The Hesitant Hentai and the Tenacious Teacher
by tampoposensei
Summary: Pure fluff and silliness with a side of naughtiness and a few scraps of other equally inappropriate stuff. How Kakashi got iruka.. or was it the other way around? Rated M to be safe but no lemons, though chap 5 comes pretty close.
1. Chapter 1

OK. So I wrote this a little while ago for the amusement of the KakaIru com on LJ, and decided to archive it here so the whole thing would be in one place. Just a bit of silly fluff with no redeming qualities at all (laughs). I plan to put a new chap up each friday starting next week.

As per usual I do not own or make any claims to these characters. Wouldn't dare, they're ninjas after all (wibble).

**The Tale of the Hesitant Hentai and the Tenacious Teacher.**

Kakashi could tell that it was a slow day in the mission room from two corridors away. Just by the volume. By the sound of it every unoccupied nin in Konoha was in there, playing their very favourite game. Namely, who's hot and who's not.

He groaned a bone weary agonized groan and almost… almost turned right around and took his mission report with him. It wouldn't exactly be the first one he'd ever turned in late.

But… he'd practically had to pass the mission room on his way home anyway, he'd been forced to use his sharigan repeatedly on this last mission, and he'd dragged his sorry arse this far, and if he just got it over with he'd be able to go home and snuggle into his soft warm bed and sleep. Preferably until sometime after newyears. So he gritted his teeth and forced his uncooperative legs to keep moving.

"Well I think scars are damn sexy." A shrill female voice rang out above the background of amused chatter. "I do! And who doesn't like to be dominated once in a while?"

"Um, you Anko. And Ibiki? Ibiki? Naked? Come on seriously, think about it."

Kakashi winced and leaned a palm flat on the wall to steady himself against the horror of that particular mental image, as a peal of laughter rolled past.

"I think Shizune-san's very pretty if you look close enough. And she has that reeeally sexy 'don't touch me I'm out of your league,' thing going for her too."

"That's because she is out of your league idiot."

Shizune? Shizune! He'd sooner hit on Ibiki, it would be safer.

"How about you Iruka? Who gets your vote as Konoha's number one hot ninja?"

"You mean apart from you two guys, and Ko here, and Zuzu?"

Zuzu?

There was a sly chuckle followed by Genma's distinctive mumble. "Ah promises promises, there's a nice little hollow in the middle of our bed for you any day… or night. But seriously we all know who makes our Ruka's noble heart beat faster, don't we Rai?"

Come on Kakashi, you can do this. Just get it over with. Walk right in, shove the report in the face of whoever's at the desk, then walk right out again.

He opened the door to a roomful of staring ninjas. Who had suddenly become ice sculpture still and cadaver quiet. Shiranui Genma was leaning forward across the desk with one hand slanted diagonally over his left eye and the other covering the lower half of his face. In the crowded room the only sound was that of a senbon hitting a hard surface.

Kakashi froze for a moment, blinked once, then walked up to the desk with as much grace as he could muster, and handed his report to a very red faced Umino Iruka. Whose heart, incidentally, was pounding as if he'd just swallowed a jackhammer.

The chuunin's eyes stared past him to the far wall, then swiveled from side to side before coming to rest on the polished surface of his desk. He dragged the report towards him with one fingertip, as if it was poisoned or radioactive or just plain deadly, and croaked out the obligatory, "Thank you for your hard work Kakashi-san."

In the far reaches of his mind Kakashi had a very definite suspicion that he really ought to be more curious about what that was all about. He staggered a bit as his right knee sagged under his weight, turned and exited the door with a feeble backwards wave. "Yo."

As soon as the door was closed gales of laughter exploded in the room behind him.

Yes curiosity would have been a good thing, but he didn't have the chakra for it. And if he did have the chakra he'd use it to teleport the hell out of there. But he didn't. And if he collapsed in the street on the way home he'd find himself stuck in the hospital… again.

One foot in front of the other, that's right, just a couple more miles to go.

It was Gai who dragged him out of bed a mere five days later, to regain the roses in his cheeks, right, as if The Beautiful Beast would ever get to see them …and the glorious vigor of his youth. So… Kakashi found himself in one of the local bars that was favoured by the local shinobi, being socialized. By force.

He slipped down his mask for an instant to sip his beer and let his attention drift away from Gai's monologue. Asuma and Kurenai were flirting on the opposite side of the booth, while making every effort to look as if they weren't flirting. He smiled a hidden smile. They made such a perfect couple, her seductive softness the perfect compliment to his tough-guy charms. It must be nice.

A flicker of uneasiness made him look up and he caught the eye of the academy teacher and mission room clerk Umino Iruka, who was sitting with a cluster of other chuunins at the bar. That made it the second, no third, time their eyes had met and he was starting to feel that it was more than just a coincidence. Especially since there was something in the teacher's look that hinted at something beyond mere looking.

At first he'd assumed the other man was looking at Gai, surprised to see him not dressed in green spandex. True he was still wearing green, but in sweats and a hoodie he looked almost normal. And Kurenai was worth looking at too, in a slinky purple dress that should have clashed with her red eyes, but didn't. Asuma had patrol duty later so he was in uniform. Kakashi was in uniform too, but for a different reason. Or rather no reason, he always wore his uniform. He'd discovered long ago that if he always looked the same then it was one less reason for anyone to look at him.

But Iruka was definitely looking.

The teacher was attractive, damned attractive. Kakashi flashed himself a mental scold. No, that kind of thinking was dangerous. He'd been burned before, when he was still young enough for the scars to be deep, and permanent. That was why he'd long since sworn to avoid any kind of intimate relationship with anyone he might put in danger, especially anyone below him in either rank or skill, which effectively meant with pretty much anyone at all. He sank lower into his seat and resisted the urge to pull out his book.

Iruka turned back to Kotetsu and chuckled at his off colour joke. Damn, Kakashi had caught him looking again. And now he was trying to hide in the corner of his booth. He wouldn't be surprised if he pulled out that damned orange book any minute. If he'd had the slightest idea the jounin would be here he'd have dressed up, but he'd come right after the end of his shift and was still in uniform. The same uniform that he'd been wearing since six o'clock that morning, and the uniform that was now smeared with chalk dust and something that looked suspiciously like slobber from an Inuzaka dog.

Kakashi was shocked out of his stupor by Gai pounding his shoulder with the flat of his hand. The big man hugged him tearfully, and loudly proclaimed that they must renew their youthful competition at their very next meeting. Then with a flash of teeth he was gone. Asuma removed his cigarette from his mouth and his hand from Kurenai's bosom and muttered that he had to get going too if he didn't want to be late.

Within moments Kakashi was alone with his half finished beer.

He'd just dropped some cash on the table and was starting to stand when someone slid into the booth opposite him. Umino Iruka, looking slightly flushed, adorably disheveled, and at least half drunk. As Kakashi felt the seat come back up to meet him he saw Iruka glance over to his friends, who were grinning and waving encouragements from the other side of the room. An unexpected glow struggled against a tidal wave of nervous discomfort.

Kakashi watched the chuunin's Adam's apple bob slowly as he swallowed and noted the ring of sweat around his hand pressed against the stone table top. A half memory half surfaced in his brain. People staring and an impression of a flushed scarred face and heat and racing heartbeats, made fuzzy through the veil of chakra depletion.

"Um… Kakashi-san, would you… that is can I… can I buy you a drink?"

Ah. Kakashi swirled the liquid in his half full bottle and reminded himself sternly that he just didn't do relationships, not with anyone below him in rank, or skill, and particularly not with charmingly hopeful and damned attractive chuunins. "Sorry but I haven't finished this one. I'm not much of a drinker."

The teacher frowned in genuine disappointment. He smelled of wine and chalk and children and was that dogs? It was a warm comforting smell.

On the other hand being friendly couldn't hurt. He had few enough real friends, as he was painfully aware, having just spent the best part of a week at home alone. In a rare moment of weakness he pulled down his mask and smiled. "Alright just one. Something silly, with a cherry. And an umbrella."

Iruka's stomach did flip-flops double-time as he watched the dark fabric being lowered to reveal a perfect nose, a perfect chin, cheekbones you could sharpen your pencils on, and the most perfectly kissable pink lips he'd ever set eyes on. No one, but no one, had the right to be that much beautiful and then to hide it. And who knew that all it would take to get rid of the damn mask was the promise of a mai tai?

He shifted position to make sure that he blocked the vision before him from the gawkers at the bar. This was his. Kakashi baring his face for him, smiling at him, maybe not exactly flirting with him, at least not yet. But in every other part this was his wild and crazy fantasy. That suddenly didn't seem quite so crazy after all. And he wasn't about to share it. Let the groupies at the bar find their own impossibly hot masked jounins.


	2. Chapter 2

Kakashi was brutally awoken by the searing pain of sunlight on his uncovered sharingan. He shut both eyes tight and reached for the headband on his nightstand. Then he opened them wide as his hand met thin air. A quick glance confirmed his worse suspicions. His headband wasn't there.

His nightstand wasn't there.

By now panic was beating on the inside of his chest like the wings of a trapped eagle. He wasn't in his bedroom… which meant he wasn't in _his_ bed.

Fuck! Then where?

Or more important, who?

He raked his hand over his throbbing forehead, through his hair and dislodged a little paper umbrella, the kind used to decorate fruity and deceptively potent alcoholic drinks. A frantic search discovered five more. Surely he hadn't let some anonymous chick pick him up… again. This was why he didn't drink, alcohol made him stupid.

But the smell on his skin and on the pillow next to him was vaguely familiar… and distinctly male.

Seriously stupid, he never dated men. Women were safe. He liked them and they liked him, and they both knew how to have a damn good time together. But when he hooked up with a woman there was never the risk of anything more, no spark, no connection that could suck either of them into something deeper than they could handle. Or rather than he could handle. Like a real relationship.

There was no dull ache as he wriggled his hips and clenched his buttocks, not sore, but there _was_ a comfortable relaxed feeling in his balls that suggested that _something_ had happened.

Double fuck. Please not someone he knew, or even worse, someone he worked with.

A dim memory broke through the lingering billows of hangover, of Gai pounding at his door, tossing him his clothes and dragging him out to The Frog and Shuriken. No. No no no no nooooo, not Gai. Anything but that.

Iruka placed a single red rose on the tray next to the plate of fresh waffles. He added two mugs of steaming coffee, brown sugar, white sugar, milk and cream. If he'd had any idea, any idea at all, he'd have bought some fresh fruit, or at least orange juice.

The grin slapped on his face widened beyond silly to downright ridiculous, but he didn't care. In the bedroom on the other side of his small living room Hatake Kakashi, _The _Hatake Kakashi, was lying in _his_ bed. And last night had been, well beyond his wildest dreams didn't even start to cut it. And he'd had to get Kakashi pretty drunk before he'd dared drag him home with him. He just couldn't wait to find out what the man could do sober.

Kakashi reached past the pain in his skull for a human presence. There, two rooms beyond, enveloped in the domestic smells of pastries and cooking and coffee. And it was as bright and as sunny as the morning light that had stabbed him into wakefulness, and about as welcome. Umino Iruka, the hot academy sensei. No crap. Suddenly the idea of a drunken fuck with Maito Gai didn't seem so very bad at all.

Iruka toed open his bedroom door and was met by a wisp of smoke, the tang of ozone, and a bed sprinkled with leaves and little pastel umbrellas. His giddy mood deflated like a balloon punctured by a surface to air missile… and crashed like the Hindenburg.

Kakashi landed in his own bed clutching his clothes. Maybe if he faked it hard enough he could convince himself that it was all just a bad dream. He pulled the cover over his head to sleep of the rest of his hangover. He still had at least a day before anyone expected him to be back in circulation, didn't he?

Iruka's first sentiment at finding he'd been unceremoniously ditched the morning after was… disappointment. The anger didn't kick in until several hours later. When he was up to his eyeballs in papers at the mission room. And naturally Genma had noticed, and inevitably he was prying, in his not so very underhanded jounin way.

Iruka barely suppressed a snarl. If his damned desk mate didn't stop his knowing smirks and sympathetic tutting real soon he was at dire risk of having that senbon shoved in a place where even Raidou would have a hard time extracting it. Why the fuck didn't he just go ahead and ask?

Suddenly there was a warm arm draped across his shoulders and a slender steel weapon twitching in his face.

"So… Ruka babe, heard you had a hot date last night?"

Right, be careful what you wish for. He'd heard that somewhere.

"Don't seem too happy though. Wassamatta? Ol' one eye didn't do it for you? Our offer still stands yaknow, me and Rai. If you like, need a quick one for the rebound."

Iruka's eyebrow twitched dangerously. Something Genma would have noticed if he'd been thinking further than the end of his dick.

"Shirunai-san, your shift ends in ten minutes so why don't you just go ahead and leave the rest of these to me." It wasn't as if the special jounin was actually doing anything productive anyway.

"Now now, touchy touchy. Don't go getting all snarky on me. I'm not the one who did you and dumped you."

Iruka's fist met the desktop with rather more force than he'd intended. In fact it left a rather impressive dent in its surface.

"GENMA! GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE AND LEAVE ME ALONE!"

By the time the red had cleared from his vision Iruka was alone in the mission room, with a very bewildered Yuuhi Kurenai and her gennin team standing just outside the doorway, looking as if a whirlwind had just blown right through them.

Kakashi was about to enter the building when Genma flashed past, laughing like a loon.

The wave front of Iruka's explosive outburst followed a split second later.

The Copy Nin spun on his heel and sauntered back in the direction he'd just come. The exercise and fresh air had done him good, but he really didn't need to pick up tomorrow's mission right now, he could just as easily get it in the morning with his team.

After classes at the academy had already started.


	3. Chapter 3

A/N This chapter is a bit long, I would have split it into two but the break seemed awkward. Please bear with.

And thanks for your reviews. It's nice to know that some of you are getting a kick out of this.

* * *

Hatake Kakashi trailed behind his trio of squabbling gennins, automatically stepping over the few cobbles on the winding road that protruded enough to stub a toe on, as if the position of each and every one was etched into his memory. He damn well hoped it wasn't, that would be a horrible waste of brainspace. On the other hand he certainly wasn't looking where he was going, his nose was buried far too deeply in his book. Team seven was currently headed back towards the centre of town from its day's mission and he was trying to keep a low profile. 

It had been a good mission, at least for him. The kids had been weeding and hoeing a few acres of vegetables, digging a few irrigation channels and planting potatoes. Alright so planting potatoes _was_ back breaking work. Which was precisely _why_ he's had them do two hours of stretching and sparring afterwards. Not that he'd bothered to explain that they needed the exercise so that their muscles wouldn't seize up and be cramped the next day, of course. They'd work out that there was method in his madness eventually… perhaps.

Yes, his team may be sweaty itchy muddy and exhausted, but as far as he was concerned, the mission had been perfect. In as much as it had been located on the far outskirts of town.

Because in Kakashi's modest opinion, in a village the size of Konoha, with the largest shinobi contingent on the continent, and a sizable civilian population too, it simply _was not fair_ that he should keep running into the one person he simply did not want to run into, ever. Of course if it was just him it wouldn't be a problem. He could literally melt into the nearest shadow, or wall, or even the ground, long before a chuunin would have a chance to spot him. But no, these days he had his gennin team to drag around too.

And not just any gennins mind. Naruto had to be the loudest, not to mention the most loudly dressed, ninja, he'd ever heard of. Not only that but his mere presence seemed to provoke Sakura, generally quiet and well behaved on her own, into sudden outbursts of shrieking and stomping him into the ground. And… while Sasuske was far too cool and distant to make much more noise than an occasional grunt, his entourage of devoted fangirls more than made up for that with their high pitched squeals and constant sighing.

No, fate definitely had it in for him. With these three in tow he had about as much chance of being stealthy as a herd of freaking elephants. Orange pink and black ones.

In fact for the first time since he'd left their ranks, he was starting to wish that he was still with ANBU. True the training required to keep up with the work was bone crunchingly intense, but he hadn't really slacked off that much. Had he? And of course the brutality of the missions was mind numbing at best. And the cleaning bills for all those blood stains were a real bitch.

But at least you could walk around in a full face mask and a hood and be guaranteed that no one knew exactly who you were and that everyone, but everyone, would keep a safe distance.

Shit! Not again.

It was almost as if there was an unnatural magnetic attraction between his orange-clad loudmouth and the very man he was trying to avoid, Umino Iruka. There had to be some kind of rational scientific explanation for the way Naruto's arms became wrapped around the teacher's midsection on an almost daily basis. Leaving him to hover in the background and shift uncomfortably from one foot to the other, whilst trying not to see the look of reproach in those sad brown eyes.

"Kakashi-sensei."

Iruka had somehow extracted himself from Naruto's grasp and was now standing _right beside him_.

And for some unfathomable reason he had his hands on either side of his nose, covering his scar. Which only served to draw attention to it… by its absence. If that made any sense at all. Which it probably didn't, but none-the-less, Kakashi suddenly found himself giving it his undivided attention. Because as scars went this one was downright cute. Even with the evidence hidden he remembered it perfectly. The exquisitely symmetrical chocolate coloured line on Iruka's caramel skin. The way it underscored his beautiful eyes and made him perpetually look as if he was about to scrunch his face into a cute little grin. Yes, not only downright cute but downright intriguing too.

Naturally, as an elite ninja he'd never admit to liking anything even remotely cute, but intrigue was another matter entirely.

"Kakashi-sensei, am I really so ugly that you can't bear to look at me?"

And that was by far the _least_ fathomable reason he'd have ever considered. "Ugly! No why…?"

The teacher pulled his hands down over his cheeks and folded them under his chin. "Because whenever we meet up like this you seem to look anywhere but at my face."

Kakashi forced himself to focus on the face in question, and right above that beguiling scar and into those eyes. Those big brown beautiful sad eyes.

Ho boy, this was bad. "Iruka-sensei, I think you have a very attractive face."

"Really?" The scar scrunched as he smiled, just as he'd known it would.

It was like the rainclouds parting after a summer storm as Iruka was lit up by golden sunshine. Must be a similar trick to the one Gai used for his sunsets. Except that it was gone just as fast and Kakashi found himself back gazing into those heart melting orbs.

Iruka glanced around quickly to check that the kids were otherwise occupied and out of earshot. (As it so happened Sakura was busy giving Naruto one of his daily poundings, no doubt for some real or imagined slight to her beloved Sasuske, who stood a little apart, pointedly ignoring them both.)

He leaned forward to speak right into Kakashi's ear. "Then do you regret that one night so very much?"

The teacher's hot breath tickled the delicate hairs on the nape of his neck, sending something, something that felt molten and hot and very good by the way, all the way down to his groin. Oh God. How the hell could he answer that?

The truth? It was a novel idea, but it might just work. "To be honest I don't even remember it. I was pretty much wasted."

He didn't remember! Iruka's heart turned to a lump of lead and dropped deep into the pit of his stomach. "I remember, I'll never forget, it was good I promise."

His voice softened to a breathy whisper, without losing even a hint of its sorrow. "_You_ were good."

Kakshi swallowed the tightness in his throat. Because if he was forcing himself to be honest, and after all he'd already decided that he was, he had to admit that even the truth was a lie. In the days and weeks since that fateful drunken encounter quite a few details had come back to haunt him. It was inevitable really, since his sharingan had been uncovered at least part of the time.

He shifted his weight to his other foot. "Um, ok."

Yes, his lithe and flexible body, combined with his knowledge of chakra flow and pleasure points and… well lots of stuff, could usually add up to a pretty good lay. Even drunk. There was no point denying it.

Iruka's voice was so soft it was barely even a sigh. "Best I ever had in fact. Not that that's a particularly impressive list."

Kakashi felt a jolt go through him. Now _that_ was hard to believe. If his memory served him correctly, and with his sharingan involved there really wasn't any way it _couldn't_, the passion that had been unleashed in Iruka's perfect coffee coloured body was something that just about anyone he knew would kill and die for.

Of course as ninjas killing and dying was their stock in trade, but even so…

He placed a reassuring hand on the chuunin's shoulder. "You're a very attractive man Iruka-sensei, I'm sure you could have anyone."

Iruka felt a tickle of his formidable temper stirring in his guts. Was Kakashi humouring him?

"Ha. I'm not exactly beating them off. Well except for Genma and Raidou, but then I think they more or less have an open invitation to anyone with a dick."

Kakashi's eye flashed open. Really? He had a dick and they'd never invited _him_. He made a mental note to sulk about that later.

"And…" Iruka's temper subsided as quickly as it had surfaced, a spitting cobra slinking back into its hole.

Kakashi's hand was still on Iruka's shoulder he felt the other man lean his weight into it, ever so slightly.

"I guess I really don't want just anyone. I…" He glanced around once more. "You know could we go somewhere? I feel really uncomfortable revealing my deepest feelings right here in the middle of the street."

Go somewhere? NO! Kakashi's higher levels of reasoning grabbed him by the collar and screamed at him. You stay right here, if you go anywhere, anywhere private with this man, looking this cute (no intriguing) and sweet and needy and absolutely adorable I can't be…

"Yes of course Iruka-sensei, where did you have in mind?"

One hasty teleportation jutsu later Kakashi was inside Iruka's modest apartment. He trailed a finger through the thin film of dust on the window sill by the front door. He would have expected Iruka to be more fastidious, but for some reason he was relieved. So the neat and perky teacher wasn't quite as neat and perky as he seemed.

A pair of tight round buttocks flexed at every step ahead of him. Well not as neat anyway.

Using all of his considerable mental restraint, Kakashi pushed the thought aside and, with a casual air that was his biggest lie so far that day, sprawled over most of the couch that was taking up far too much of the small living room.

Iruka led the way and sniffed as discretely as he could. He should have cleaned, he should have bought a few fresh flowers to brighten up the place, he should at least have opened a few windows. He was also painfully aware of the way the jounin's gaze had been drifting to his nether regions. If Kohonamaru had stuck a rude Postit on his butt again…

As if he didn't already have enough on his mind.

Because after practically humiliating himself in a public street, and after successfully dragging the object of his desire back to his home, for the second time, he noted with some satisfaction, he was finding it surprisingly difficult to confess what he'd brought him here to confess. How could he just come out and say that there was a tightness in his chest that wouldn't leave him until Kakashi was pressed against it holding him? That there was an empty space under his tailbone and between his thighs that only Kakashi could fill? And that his presence in the same room, in the same universe as Kakashi was making him ache with need?

He stalled.

"Well, I have some fairly decent cookies, Moegi's mother made them for me. Do you like ginger snaps? And I could make some tea."

Then, without waiting for an answer, he backed out of the room.

Kakashi was only too aware of the powerful aura rolling off the other man. It had his perfectly honed ninja instincts balanced on a razor edge between flight and well… flight.

But wait. Tea? He could do tea.

There was a nondescript wooden table in the corner of the room, holding some framed photographs. In his need to do something, anything, and as a result of his natural ninja instinct to pry, Kakashi strolled over to take a closer look at them. Him with team seven, a young Iruka with his jounin sensei and gennin team, and an even younger Iruka with a man and a woman that he assumed must be his parents. Usual stuff. He opened the little drawer on the front. It contained a pile of dried out leaves and a cluster of little paper umbrellas.

Kakashi recognized the evidence instantly. And cringed. He just hoped Iruka hadn't saved the condom too.

Iruka hurriedly checked the back of his pants, sighed with relief, and set about making tea. That done he returned to find Kakashi sprawled where he'd left him. Although for some reason, what he could see of his face looked even paler than usual.

He prepared to stall some more by rooting around in his brain for a safe topic of conversation. Damn, tea just wasn't going to cut it. He should have offered sake.

"Here you go." He handed Kakashi a delicate china cup of fragrant green tea and set the tray with the other cup and a plate of exceptionally inedible looking brown nubs on the coffee table, then eased himself cautiously onto the unoccupied part of the couch.

Kakashi lowered his mask and sipped at the hot tea. It was as if Aburame bugs were crawling under every inch of his skin.

He knew what he had to do. He had to explain that he was sorry, that he liked Iruka, but not _that_ way.

But was even he a big enough liar to pull that off?

Ok Kakashi, you've got yourself out of stickier situations. Start with small talk and slip it into the conversation casually. Talk politics, or religion, or weather. Just don't talk about the team. The kids are the only thing you have in common with him. If you start talking about them you'll start bonding and you don't want that, do you?

Ah but he did. He wanted to bond this man so much it was making all his chakra points ache just stopping it from getting too obvious. He wanted to pour honey in that little well the notch in his collarbones made at the base of his throat and lick it out in long glorious slurps.

Iruka set down his teacup with a little clink. "So Kakashi-sensei, how is your team doing? They're a good bunch you know, different, but good."

He'd slide his tongue against that golden skin, and it would be a hundred times sweeter than even the most golden honey.

"I've often wondered, how _did _you get roped into teaching this particular team anyway?"

Then he'd plant delicate kisses down the line of his breastbone until he reached that little point where it met the hard muscle of his abs. That's where he'd bite it. Not hard, just enough to leave a tiny mark…

Iruka picked up his tea and looked over at his guest. "Kakashi-sensei, are you ok?"

Kakashi's wandering mind slammed back into his skull, hard enough to make his teeth rattle. Oh right his team. Team seven, right?

"Well I'm the only one who would take Naruto. I had an old obligation and in the end he couldn't be denied his chance. I think that some… ah, political groups in the village, rather expected me to fail him. You see I haven't passed very many teams."

Iruka snorted, and shot a hand to his face to stop his tea from dripping out of his nose. "Kakashi-san, I looked at your record. Before team 7 you hadn't passed any teams, ever."

So Iruka had been checking up on him. He'd have to watch out for that if…

IF! IF! There were no ifs. No involvement, no relationships. RIGHT?

"RIGHT! Er yes, that's what I mean."

Iruka looked away uncomfortably. Kakashi seemed unusually…distracted. And he wanted to make a good impression so very much. And so far he'd done nothing but bore the man, irritate him, and embarrass himself. But on the other hand at least he was talking now.

"But Sasuske is the darling of the village. Surely any jounin-sensei would want him."

"True. The geniuses and prodigies are always popular." Kakashi tapped his headband, where it covered Obito's eye. "But I'm the only one half qualified.

"Ok I'll give you that. So what about Sakura? What special need did she have?"

"None at all. She was just the sweetener. Eye candy for me."

Iruka's tea slipped from his grasp, he swiped the cup out of the air on reflex, and in doing so, threw its contents all the other man.

"Oh God I'm sorry, your shirt's soaked. I hope it wasn't hot."

Kakashi was feeling plenty hot right enough, but it wasn't the fault of the tea. Iruka had his hands under his shirt, working the wet fabric away from his skin. His mind blanked for a moment.

"Let me… let me take this off and rinse it out. Before it has a chance to stain."

By the time he was aware that strong but nimble fingers were no longer pawing at his skin, Kakashi was half naked.

"I see I got your pants too."

Make that almost completely naked.

"I'm sure I've got something you can wear for now. Come into the bedroom."

Kakashi sat on the edge of the bed in his underwear and tried not to curl into a ball to hide his pale skin as Iruka rummaged through a chest of drawers.

"I'm sure I have something in here that you'll fit into pretty nicely."

His inner pervert snickered as his eyes were once more inexorably drawn to the teacher's perfect tight bum, where he was bending over just a few feet away. He could say that again

"Aha!" Iruka pulled a blue hand knitted sweater out of the top drawer and held it up triumphantly.

"Will this do?" He stretched the sweater across Kakashi's chest.

Their torsos were mere inches apart. Iruka's hand brushed against a nipple, tight and hard, sesitised by its recent scalding.

The sweater fell to the floor.

Kakashi rolled Iruka onto the bed and under him. He licked a swipe over that delectable tan throat… yes, sweeter than honey. Iruka wanted him, he wanted Iruka. Why shouldn't they? Why wouldn't they?

"No!"

Iruka knew he didn't mean the sweater. He lay on his bed, mourning the loss of the intoxicating flesh that had so recently been pressed against him.

Kakashi was in the corner of the room, back to the wall. From the look on his face Iruka was half surprised that he wasn't brandishing a weapon.

"I'm sorry, that was… unprofessional. Look we can be friends, I'd like to be friends, but nothing more. Jounins shouldn't get involved with chuunins, it's too risky."

Iruka felt the spitting cobra stirring in his guts once more. "Oh is that what you think I am? A risk?"

Kakashi had somehow retrieved his tea-soaked rumpled clothing and was cramming his traitorous body into it as fast as he could.

"No, not you, I'm a risk. Knowing me is risky, people around me get hurt and I… well… I don't always handle it very well. And sometimes I say things I don't really mean, just to get people to back off. If we get too close you'll end up hating me. And I… I wouldn't like that."

Fully if sloppily, even by his standards, dressed at last, he looked up.

Suddenly Iruka saw something in the great copy nin that he'd never _ever_ expected to see. Vulnerability. It made his heart fairly overflow.

Tapping into the kind of courage it took to face a roomful of pre-gennins every single weekday morning, he stalked across the room.

He cupped the masked face between his palms and stared into that one lonely eye. "Well I'm not exactly a saint either. I've been told I've got a temper. And I may be a chuunin but I've got my strengths. How can I prove myself too you? What would it take for you to give me a fair chance?"

Oh God, a full blast of doe-eye, from point blank range.

Kakashi stuck his hands deep into his pockets and felt something there. Something other than dog biscuits and gumdrops and his spare mask, in case he sneezed and got snot on the one he was wearing. The bells he had used for his gennin test. They were still there? And he'd had these pants washed how many times since then? Wow talk about sounding out a clean note.

He wasn't seriously considering this, was he? He didn't have relationships. He had sex and he moved on. Better for everyone that way.

"Tell you what, I'll give you the same test I gave the kids. If you can get one of these off me then… if you can do that then I'll risk getting involved. But it's a mistake, if you had any sense at all…"

He pulled out the two little tinkly bells and hooked them to his belt.

Iruka looked at them squinty eyed. "I'm an adult Kakashi-sensei. I'm perfectly capable of making my own decisions about who I want to get involved with. I'll even take your stupid little test if it will make you feel any better. I take it there's a time limit. How long do I have?"

Well he'd given the kids until lunchtime, but of course the test hadn't really been about the bells at all. And then there were _three _of them.

"A day?"

Iruka snorted, half in dismissal and half in disbelief. "I have work to do, I can't spend a whole day chasing after you and your bells!"

Kakashi felt his spine tingle. Feisty, he liked feisty. And the man did have a valid point.

"A week?"

A week. Iruka brightened with the dawning of a new hope. How hard could it be to snag a couple of bells, he hadn't been the most notorious prankster in Konoha in his day for nothing. And… a wicked corner of his brain suggested, it also gave him seven full days of open season for a more conventional seduction. After all he'd done it once, and at his very first attempt no less.

"Ok, a week it is."

He shoved Kakashi hard against the wall, yanked down his mask and kissed him with everything he had.

The jounin blinked to clear the coloured sparkles from his vision. Gods, he almost wished Iruka _did _have a chance of getting a bell.


	4. Chapter 4

There was an uncharacteristic bounce to Kakashi's trademark slouch as he made his way to the mission room. Iruka was on duty, he knew, he'd checked. And today was Day One of Mission tease, tempt, take the rise out of, and generally have as much fun as is humanly possible (well short of _that_, he abruptly reminded himself) with the sweet-faced sensei. Anything and everything was fair game (except _that_, of course) because in seven days time it would be over. Done, finis, finito, c'est terminé, the end, hasta la vista baby. And until then he fully intended to enjoy every single moment of it.

Iruka was at the desk with Genma. Were those two joined at the hip when they were in this place? He remembered what Iruka had said about Genma's open invitation and a thin tendril of something, not jealousy, he most certainly wasn't jealous of the uber-cool and way-to-sexy-for-his-own-good senbon sucker, but something, stirred uneasily in his insides.

Iruka was on a mission too. And he didn't even have to be particularly discrete. He shot Genma a scathing look, it wasn't as if everyone present didn't already know about his… oh, but how he despised the term... crush.

He looked up as he recognized the familiar, if somewhat jauntier than normal, footfalls, a faint blush colouring his cheekbones.

"Good afternoon Kakashi-san."

Kakashi duly noted the rosy tinge on his mission's face. It caused another tendril, of something much more pleasant, to tickle his insides. And he hadn't even said a word… yet. He leaned forward onto the desk so that the two little bells at his belt tinked softly as they met its front edge.

Iruka's cheeks turned fuscia.

Anko, who was no doubt there to pick over the latest gossip (didn't that woman ever have work of her own to do?), picked up on the tension in an instant. She turned from Kurenai, her fellow gossiper, to face them. One eyebrow already raised in anticipation.

Now if those two women had stopped talking, this had to be good.

Everyone else in the mission room, which just happened to be half the shinobi in Konoha, fell silent too.

Kakashi ignored them all. He smiled broadly. Wide enough to be sure that it would show through his mask.

"Iruka sensei, I have something for you. It's right here in my, ah, pants."

Iruka's cheeks turned puce.

Kakashi pointed his lips into something closer to a pout, and wriggled as he wrestled a mission scroll from his pocket, making the bells jingle.

"Ah but you look disappointed. Not what you were hoping for?"

Iruka's cheeks turned crimson.

Kurenai looked from the mortified chuunin to her reprehensible fellow jounin. "Kakashi! What the…?"

Kakashi dismissed her with a wave. "Oh don't worry about Iruka-sensei. He's just trying to get his hands on my ding-a-ling. Right Sensei?"

Iruka's cheeks turned scarlet.

Unhooking one of the bells from his belt, Kakashi brought it up to eye level and jingled it in Iruka's face. "Perhaps we could meet up for dinner. Meet you at my place? Eight?"

Iruka was saved from the need to invent yet more vibrant names to describe the colour of his complexion, by a distinctive elderly voice booming deep and low from a hidden inner chamber.

"Iruka! You can refile these? Now."

As Iruka scurried away to attend the paperwork needs of his Hokage, Kakashi curved his eye into a wolfish grin, if one eye by itself can count as wolfish, and fairly prowled out of the room.

The ever inquisitative Anko strolled over to the ever knowledgeable Genma, and whispered, "What the hell is that all about?

She received a knowing wink. "Iruka and Kakashi? Looks like our sweet little Sensei's hooked himself a live one. Finally."

"But Iruka? And Kakashi? It will never last."

"I damn well hope not. But stand in line Mitarashi, Rai and me's got fist dibs on the rebound. I bet Iruka's a regular firecracker in bed. Hell he's a firecracker just sitting in a chair. I bet he's a whole damn pyrotechnic display in bed, especially when he thinks he's got something to prove."

Anko swatted him on the head. "Shirunai, you're drooling. And anyway I don't think I'm exactly his type."

"True, but you know as well as I do that most gay men will have sex with a woman if that's what's available, just as most straight men will have sex with another man if that's what's available."

"Yeah, and some men gay or straight, will have sex with farmyard animals if they're what's available."

"Hey hey, Anko! I explained all about that, remember?"

"Mmm, right whatever. Careful, he's coming back."

Iruka kicked the door wide and stepped through with an armful of scrolls.

Genma sauntered over and, most helpfully, closed the door behind him. "So Ruka-babe, 'bout you and Kashi…"

Iruka opened his mouth to issue a standard denial, and then closed it again. He was ninja enough to recognize a golden opportunity when it accosted him in the face. Neither he nor Kakashi had said anything about outside assistance. He just had to get the bell, by whatever means necessary.

"Oh it's just a little game. Kakashi gave me the challenge he gives his gennins, to take one of those bells from him. I thought it might be fun, you know, take the great Copy Nin down a peg or two?"

He smiled a sweetly innocent smile. "It's not as if I'll lose any face if I can't. No one else has ever done it."

A conspiratorial glance flashed around the room.

"Iruka-sensei… we're in."

The doors and windows were sealed with jutsus and, within moments, the mission room had become the command centre where plots were being plotted and schemes schemed that would make a plan to infiltrate Rain Country in the wet season seem like a walk in the park.

Now Hatake Kakashi was a ninja, and not just any ninja, one of the best. And as such he was acutely aware of his personal space, and in particular, any violations thereof. So… in a village of fellow ninjas, he was surprised, (to say the least) to find his personal space suddenly reduced to the space actually occupied by his… well, person.

Normally other people would pass him by at a respectable safe distance. And, given his formidable reputation, that usually meant on the far side of the street at the very least. But this evening it was as if he was invisible. Or, even more unlikely, harmless. Highly trained shinobi were actually brushing right past him, coming in actual physical contact with him. And… on several of these occasions he had been distinctly aware of hands fluttering lightly over his uniform, around the lower edge of his jacket.

Even once he'd taken to the rooftops it was no better. It seemed as if every single one was instantly 'also occupied' the moment he set foot on it, by ninjas sufficiently visually impaired to bump into him. And ninja's just _do not_ bump into each other. As even the youngest academy student could tell you, dozens of them at a time could swarm through the tree tops. Each landing with elegance and precision on different branches of the same tree, with the same instinctive unspoken understanding that allows flocks of birds to fly in tight formations without getting in each other's way.

It didn't take a genius to realize that something was up.

He had about four hours to waste before his 'date' with Iruka. Four hours to sort out this disturbing conundrum so that he'd be able to relax and enjoy it to the full. So he sat at a table outside a mostly civilian café, sipping his glass of ice-water and ignoring the muddy espresso that he'd felt obliged to buy in order to get it. His nerves were quite jangled enough already, thank you very much.

A jounin kunoichi he barely knew was approaching from behind, about fifty yards away. She stepped under the shade of the umbrella at his table and moved on. Kakashi spread his hand over the faint handprint she'd left at his waist. Now normally he wouldn't be inclined to discourage women from groping him, at least not friendly women. But this was just odd.

He leaned forward and tracked little swirly patterns on the table top in the puddle of condensation that had gathered around his glass as he gathered his thoughts. The waitress caught his vacant stare and came to refill it. He twitched away just a smidgen, only to realize that she'd made no attempt to get closer.

Aha! So it _was_ just the ninjas.

Using his wet fingertip he mapped out the pattern of all the other little touches he's been subjected to in the past hour. They formed a rough band somewhere between the top of his hipbones and the bottom of his ribs. Surely if the pervs had just been trying to cop a feel they could aim a bit better than that. It was almost as if they were reaching for his belt.

His belt with his bells attached.

Why Iruka-sensei, you sneaky little bastard.

So the teacher had sicced every ninja in Konoha on him. His lips twitched into a smile under his mask. He felt distinctly flattered, Iruka was playing for keeps. Pity he couldn't let him win. Could he? He clamped a hand over his covered eye as a forbidden memory flashed through his brain. Iruka arching his back beneath him, gripping the lower rail of the headboard on a narrow bed to brace himself, as he pounded… Time to leave.

He dropped a couple of crumpled banknotes on the table and teleported home.

Nothing a cold shower couldn't take care of. A couple of cold showers, a few chapters of Icha Icha, and a little manual relief…

Iruka strolled home in the gathering darkness with an air of self satisfied… self satisfaction. The final hour of his shift at the mission desk had been quiet. In fact other than Genma's persistent blatherings, which he didn't count since he routinely tuned them out anyway, it had been silent. Not surprising, since apart from the two of them the mission room had been empty.

He was, to be honest, just a little disappointed than no one had appeared at the desk with a cat-that-ate-the-canary grin and a pair of little brass bells. But Konoha shinobi were the best, surely it wouldn't take them very much longer to score his prize for him.

And what a prize. He had hoped to have them in his possession by the time he had to meet Kakashi. It would have made the evening _so_ much more fun. Oh well, there was more than one way to nail a jounin, and to get nailed by one too for that matter. But first things first, what to wear?

Half an hour later he was seated on his bed next to a heap of rejected garments… everything he owned. It wasn't fair. He just didn't have the build to dress up well, at least not as well as he needed to to ensnare this particular prey. Tight and sexy was the obvious way to go, but tight didn't work on him. It was the scrawny guys like Kakashi and the muscular ones like Raidou that looked good in tight clothes. He was way too average, they just made him look as if he was trying too hard. Of course baggy could look sexy too. But somehow loose clothes always made him feel shapeless and, well, baggy.

Swallowing his pride he put everything away then went to ask Genma for help. He _always_ looked sexy.

Kakashi's internal alarm warned him that it was seven thirty. Ok, time to get ready. Well he certainly didn't need a shower. His extremities had only just defrosted from his most recent chilly dousing. He snapped his novel closed, placed a tender kiss on its cover and set it aside. What to wear? He opened his closet and raked his eyes over the seventeen identical uniforms that were hanging there.

He reached for one of the cleanest ones, easy to choose. Unless… his eye caught the three old uniforms in the back that were not identical to the others, that were, in fact, quite distinctly… different. Why not? Iruka was sure to be dressed to the nines. The least he could do was reciprocate. And it was sure to get him at least one ferocious blush, maybe even a stutter.

Iruka knocked on the apartment door. And waited. He smoothed out Genma's too sheer silk shirt and adjusted Raidou's too loose hip hugger pants. He felt like a pimp. At least he'd succeeded in insisting that they leave his hair alone. He did have the right place didn't he? After all he was dressed kind of… (his brain picked through assorted adjectives and finally rejected slutty in favour of the more modest racy)… he wouldn't want to run into a parent by mistake. He'd got Kakashi's address from the files in the mission room, one of the perks of working there, but he wouldn't put it past the man to have moved and not updated his paperwork. When did he ever do paperwork on time?

After the exact length of time needed to stretch Iruka's nerves to 'strung out in agitation', but just shy of 'give up and go home', the door opened to reveal Kakashi in ANBU blacks. Without even the small merciful camouflage that the customary armour and weaponry would provide.

Wow… as in WOW!

Frankly those leather pants left nothing, but nothing, to the imagination. Kakashi might as well have been wearing black spray paint. The only splash of colour in the whole outfit was the pair of golden bells clipped to a wide black belt that was resting low across his narrow hipbones.

"K..Kakashi-sensei."

Iruka tried, really tried, to look at Kakashi's face.

"See something you like down there Sensei? Do they swing as I walk? The bells that is."

The heat from Iruka's blush could have been used to toast marshmallows. "A..ah yes, n..no.. th..that is that outfit, i..it looks good on you."

A blush _and_ a stutter. A good one too, 8.5 on the Blusher scale easy. "Well, you coming in or shall I come out?"

He was being invited in? Iruka cursed himself a silent curse. He should have asked around, surely someone knew a jutsu that would give him a burst of power long enough to pounce on and ravish a jounin. After that he didn't care if he died, it would be a very happy death.

"Um, let's just get going."

Under the circumstances walking might help to keep his blood a little more evenly distributed around his body.

They sauntered through the streets of Konoha, with Iruka glancing up from the pavement, and towards his companion, as often as he dared. Kakashi was wearing a typical ANBU shirt, which bared his shoulders and arms, and made Iruka's mouth swim with saliva, but no gloves. He wasn't wearing a headband either. His hair was swept down over his sharingan rakishly, but he was still baring about twice as much skin as usual above his black mask. Such beautiful skin, Iruka's fingers itched to stroke it, to pull down that hated mask and feast his eyes on the rest of Kakashi's features. The man _was_ art.

Kakashi steered Iruka under every street lamp. That shirt looked _much_ better on him than it ever had on Genma. His dusky nipples were clearly visible through the pale blue fabric, and the linen pants (Raidou's?) were droopy enough for him to see a streak of dark hair through it below his navel. Ah Sensei, if only…

Iruka was caught by surprise when Kakashi stopped in front of an arched oaken door with a stylized chicken carved above a leaded window. La Gallina. He'd passed by the restaurant a few times, it was in a prime area in the most upscale part of town and hard to miss. And it had an unsurpassed reputation. He had even considered going there once, to celebrate when he'd been appointed as a chuunin sensei at the academy. Even if it would mean blowing a week's wages on a single meal. But in the end, however embarrassing as it was for a shinobi to admit it, he'd been intimidated.

Well maybe not that embarrassing. Those poker faced waiters in their long black aprons would give Ibiki and his minions a run for their money any day. And anyway, his French wasn't that good. He hadn't been willing to risk wasting all that money on something he wasn't sure he'd like.

"Ah Hatake-sama, I have your usual table waiting." From his emphasis on that last word Iruka got the distinct impression that his dinner companion had the balls to keep even the maitre d' at a place like this hanging around.

They were led to a corner table and the maitre d' was rewarded with a smile that would have kept Iruka high on endorphins for a week, even through the mask. Then he was gone and a waiter in his place with speed and efficiency that made Iruka wonder if he hadn't mastered the art of substitution jutsus.

Kakashi scanned the menu quickly and conversed with the waiter in a soft rolling language that flowed off his tongue like quicksilver.

Iruka listened entranced. "Kakashi–san, you speak French?"

"Er, oh yeah. Kinda taught myself. From books, you know, the classics. Jiraiya gave me the first one when I was a little kid. 'Claudine á l'école'. Worked my own way up from there to 'L'histoire d'O'."

"Oh."

Yeah, O. She got up to some stuff I can tell you. Worth learning the whole freaking language just for that one scene of her and the young chick in the bathtub.

Oh. Iruka was distinctly sure he'd missed something. He was also almost as sure that he was just as glad.

The waiter, who was still hovering with more than a hint of menace, took Kakashi's menu and gave Iruka a look that would have withered stone. Apparently Kakashi had already ordered, in with all that jabber somewhere.

He felt heat rising to his face yet again. "Ah, I'll have the same. Thanks." He just hoped he hadn't ordered snails.

The waiter took his menu and turned on his heel with a bland, "Merci monsieur."

As they settled in to wait and make small talk, Iruka studied the various trajectories between the table and the bells, the wall and the bells, the crystal chandelier hanging in the centre of the room and the bells… Oh the hell with the bells. He looked at Kakashi looking at him, he had Kakashi here and now, he was going to enjoy it and worry about them later.

There were still six more days.

Suddenly Kakashi's eye was distracted from his beautiful sensei by a lithe shiver of slender flesh and dark hair, over in the far corner of the room.

Hayate. The last person he'd broken his 'no dating men' rule for, and the only one on that list still breathing.

He let his lips twist into a rueful smile. Just as well, he'd sooner be dumped for a pretty pair of tits than go to another funeral any day.

"Excuse me Iruka-sensei, be right back." He handed him the wine list. "Get anything you like, but not for me." He gave him a knowing wink. "I never get caught with the same trick twice."

Hayate looked older, with dark shadows under his eyes. "Been a long time Swordsman, a couple of years now."

Hayate's pale face became radiant with a welcoming smile. Gods but he was beautiful. "Kakashi-kun! Yes three, almost four."

Wow, that long.

The younger man looked as if he wanted to move closer, but he didn't. "I heard, about the challenge. The one with Iruka-sensei. You should let him you know."

Kakashi cocked his head to one side. "Let him take my bells?"

They looked each other over in silence neither awkward nor expectant just… quiet. Then a slender arm, pure corded muscle and controlled power, reached out. It pulled back at Kakashi's flinch.

"Let him love you."

The smile left Hayate's lips but stayed firmly fixed around his eyes. "Iruka's the real thing you know. He can give you everything you've ever wanted."

Ah but Hayate-kun, you were everything I ever wanted. "Thanks for the advice Auntie H, but he's a chuunin."

Hayate's hand was still hovering. He let it land and gave a gentle squeeze. "Maybe, but he'd be good for you. He's made of some pretty good stuff. He must be, he's been through a shit load and still came out sane."

Pretty good stuff huh? Coming from you who was spun from dreams and laughter and the cruel cuts of a blade slaughtering its way through sunlit air. "You know him?"

"Yeah, from the academy, we were in the same class. Although to be honest he was a bit of an ass back then, but he got it all out of his system soon enough."

"Really? I'll have to check up on that."

Hayate's dark eyes opened wide. "Don't you dare, or at least keep me out of it. He'd kill me if he found out that I'd let on."

Now that seemed unlikely. When he'd first joined ANBU, at sixteen, Hayate had already been silent death with a silver blade. "Him? Kill you?"

"Oh yes you'd better believe it. Got a temper that one."

Mmm. "You here with…"

"Yuugao? Yeah. Come on over, she'd love to meet you."

There was no change in Kakashi's expression or posture, but he suddenly seemed frosted with ice.

Hayate's shoulders slumped. "Kakashi, I told you from the start that I couldn't promise to give up women."

No, you gave up me instead.

The ice cracked into a frosty smile. "True 'nuff, you did that."

"Look, go and get Iruka, we'll make it a double date.

Kakashi's expression softened. "Couldn't do that. The kid's been looking forward to getting me on his own. Did you get a look at the get-up he's wearing?"

The younger jounin took a long moment to track his eyes up and down Kakashi's skin tight clothing. "Hi Pot, I'd like you to meet Kettle…"

He staggered back under a gentle shove. "Get back to your lady love before she gets jealous. And tell her from me to stop being greedy and let you sleep at night once in a while. You look tired."

"Yeah. Take care of yourself too Kakashi-kun, and remember what I said about Iruka."

Kakashi scratched the back of his head. "Right, used to be a bit of an ass and he's got a foul temper."

Hayate shoved him back, "Jerk." then melted away into the dimly lit room as silently as he'd appeared.

Kakashi went into the restroom and hastily checked that his eye was sufficiently covered before ghosting back to Iruka, who was already sipping red wine.

The first course arrived a moment later.

Soup.

Iruka let out a silent breath. Good, no snails.

The waiter snatched Iruka's napkin and flipped it open over his lap in a single move. He took a step behind Kakashi, napkin in hand. Kakashi flicked the bells out of his reach and into his other hand. He brought them up into plain sight and arched his eye into a smile. Kotetsu dropped the henge and skulked back to the kitchen to untie the real waiter.

Well it had been worth a try.

However, it wasn't a total waste, Iruka noticed that the waiter treated him with quite a bit more respect when he reappeared, only slightly disheveled. Apparently he caught on fast, at least when it came to Konoha chuunins.

And the soup was beyond delicious, some kind of seafood with shreds of golden mushrooms. There were no chopsticks so Iruka followed Kakashi's lead and painstakingly scooped it up with the spoon to drink it, one glorious mouthful at a time.

The main course wasn't snails either. It was, to Iruka's delight, duck. A sculpture of legs and slices of breast, perfectly roasted and poised in a puddle of ruby red sauce, surrounded by little stacks of perfect miniature vegetables. Exquisite.

Kakashi hardly noticed the flavours of his own food, he was getting much more pleasure from watching Iruka eat in any case. So he'd been right in assuming that an academy chuunin wouldn't have had the opportunity to enjoy really good French food. And it had been so much fun spoiling him. He decided that he must do it again before the week was up.

Next time he'd order snails.

Their waiter cleared the table and set down two smaller menus with, what looked to Iruka like a deferential bow, but maybe that was the effect of the wine. It was potent stuff and he had polished off nearly two thirds of the bottle. He pushed a menu towards Kakashi, eyes wide and full of hope.

"Would you like some dessert? I should offer you something, after this wonderful meal."

Kakashi rested his chin on the backs of his hands. Yes Sensei, as a matter of fact I can think of something I'd like. Maybe I would have too, if Hayate hadn't shown up to remind me… But he's a jounin, damn good one too. No way I'll take a risk like that with you my lovely chuunin.

"No, I'll just get some coffee. But feel free, still my treat, and their crème brulée is exceptional."

Iruka passed on dessert and ordered coffee too. He didn't normally eat this late, and the moon was out, and in his current tipsy state he knew Kakashi would walk him home, and he lived all the way over on the far side of the village. He couldn't wait.

Kakashi signed for the meal. Iruka was beyond impressed that the jounin had an account at a place like this, but he had been curious about where he might have stashed his wallet in those clothes. On the other hand he had no doubt at all that there must be a surprising number of weapons tucked God knows where.

The walk home was magical. A three-quarter moon hung in the sky like a silver lantern. The crisp air was filled with the night sounds of sandals on cobbles from their fellow ninjas as they drifted to and from various watering holes, distant snatches of music, crickets hissing and chirrupping from the trees, all punctuated by the occasional barking dog.

Kakashi listened to Iruka's happy chatter. Little intimate details about his classes and his students, about nights like this when his father had walked him home from visiting his shinobi friends, sworn to secrecy not to tell his mother that he's been given his own small cup of sake. Kakashi added a word here and there, an innuendo, a tease, just to help the flow along. Iruka's sparkle, his tongue loosened by alcohol, was infectious. He couldn't remember the last time he'd felt this good.

All too soon they fetched up outside Iruka's apartment. They stood outside the door, neither willing to say goodbye, nor quite sure how.

Kakashi scratched the back of his hair. "Well I suppose I…"

Iruka lunged.

In a reflex born from almost a lifetime of missions, Kakashi slapped his hands over his bells. But that hadn't been where the other man was aiming. His mask was down, Iruka's arms were round his neck and they were welded together in a searing hot kiss. Iruka tasted of wine and coffee and passion distilled to a potency just this side of lethal. His hard body and harder cock pressed against him with enough force to stamp an imprint on his leather clothes.

The husky burr to his voice hinted at lust that even the Icha Icha series wouldn't dare to contemplate.

"Kakashi, please please come in. You've been dancing that body in front of me all evening, and then there's the wine. And God I'm sooo horny. You can't go away and leave me like this, you just can't. It's too cruel."

Kakashi flipped the hair away from his other eye, Obito's eye, and stepped back to take a long hard look.

It was true. Iruka was clearly in acute distress. And it was all his fault. Ok, so he hadn't touched him, not even once, that goodnight kiss had been all Iruka. But there were other ways of leading on, and he was well aware that he'd teased the poor man to within an inch of his breaking point, and he'd been the one to suggest the wine. And… as he'd been reminding himself all evening, Iruka was a chuunin, he didn't have his iron control.

"Ok, but just this once. And it's just sex, it doesn't change anything between us."

Iruka fell on him and started planting tiny kisses on any skin he could reach. "Thank you thank you, I love you."

Relief spread through Iruka's whole being and almost smothered the tiny smirk lurking in the back of his brain. He was right, letting himself get stoked up like this had been worth the risk. Kakashi _wouldn't _leave a fellow Konoha shinobi to suffer. But _just_ sex? He didn't think so… at least not if he had anything to do with it.

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Yes, cruel cut of doom. I'll leave what happens next to your pervy imaginations.

And BTW, from what I've heard L'histoire d'O is the racy French novel that gave racy French novels their reputation.


	5. Chapter 5

A/N Akk! Now I did say no lemons didn't I? Well… I edited this down as much as I could without cutting out any of the plot development but it's still citrusier than I'm comfortable with, and I simply don't have the time or energy to rewrite the whole thing to cover the same ground from another angle.

So…

THIS IS A WARNING to those of sensitive sensitivities… WE"VE GOT A SEX SCENE COMING UP 

DON'T READ IT IF YOU DON'T LIKE THIS KIND OF THING.

Um, does that make everything clear enough?

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Iruka's whole life was flashing before his eyes, but he wasn't about to die, he was about to score.

Just as soon as he could get his damn front door open and get Kakashi out of his clothes and into his bed. But dammit if he hadn't left his keys with his own clothes at Genma and Raidou's place.

As he fumbled through the pockets of Raidou's pants he flashed images of a silver-haired boy dancing behind a golden-haired jounin, as seen through the window of an academy classroom. The boy and the man, the moon and the sun. He'd always loved moonlight.

He checked the back pocket without much hope, if the keys were in there he'd have known, he'd have been sitting on them all evening.

The beautiful boy was replaced in his memories by a silver-haired ANBU teen, slight and slim as a hare, porcelain mask pushed askew to splash water on his face from the fountain in the main square, under the dim light of the stars.

Yanking a pant leg up to his thigh, he dumped out kunai from the pouch just above his knee.

In his mind Kakashi was slouched against the back wall of the mission room deeply engrossed in his book, as he waited for the room to clear before approaching the desk. It was the first time Iruka had had a name to match to the face. Or rather to the mask. He almost wished he hadn't, Sharingan Hatake! What chance could a chuunin teacher have with a legend?

And now, thanks to a stroke of luck, a surfeit of alcohol, and one very bold move, he'd seen under the mask, had imprinted every detail of that perfect face on his memory, had seen every inch of that gorgeous body…

Fuck this. Pulling a senbon from his ponytail he picked the lock.

As the door swung open he caught the three shuriken set up to slice open anyone forcing an entry, dispelled the genjutsu of Maito Gai bearing down on him, and defused the exploding tag.

"Um, come on in."

Not waiting for an answer he hauled the jounin inside the door, slammed it shut and was on his knees with his face buried in a leather clad crotch within twenty seconds. Fantasy number…well who the hell was counting?

Kakashi was almost jolted out of his customary slump. It was nice having Iruka's hot breath down er, there… and it came with the promise of something… much nicer still. Who'd have thought the quiet chuunin had this kind of fire underneath his underneath? Kakashi even allowed his concentration to lapse for a moment in guarding his bells. But it didn't really matter. Fortunately Iruka, who was currently tugging at his zipper, seemed to have forgotten them completely.

Mmm, that zipper always did have an inconvenient tendency to jam. Kakashi took the opportunity to remove the bells and drop them into a nearby potted plant, as Iruka glared at the recalcitrant fastener as if it had burned down his house, raped his sister and spit roasted his puppy for lunch.

In desperation the frustrated chuunin applied chakra, too much chakra, the zipper disintegrated showering little metal teeth that plinked on the floor like falling rain. But it got the job done.

"My my Sensei. Didn't I feed you enough this evening? Perhaps you _should_ have had dessert."

And yes… OH YES! Iruka had done this before, he could tell. He was good at it too. Well it had been a while… weeks. Since that last time they were together actually, though he hated to admit it. It would ruin his pervert reputation. And OH! Iruka was _very_ good. Kakashi spread a little chakra to steady his trembling legs.

"I..Iruka-sensei. I..I'm…" He tangled his fingers through silken hair and felt strong hands bracing against his hips while his release shuddered through him.

As Kakashi's knees folded and he sank to the floor, Iruka sat back on his haunches, grinning a little too wickedly and smearing the dribble of milky liquid that was escaping from the corner of his mouth across one cheek with the back of his hand.

"Mmm, better than crème brulée."

IHis blood was fairly singing with excitement, because now Kakashi had a moral _as well as_ an ethical obligation to give him the fuck of his life.

"Kakashi-san, would you like to continue this in the bedroom?"

Whoa, the teacher voice. Kakashi had supposed he'd be hearing it at some point. Not loud but sure and completely confident. It certainly made _him_ sit up and pay attention.

"Sure. Yeah ok, just give me a minute. "

He remembered himself just enough to add, "But this is just sex remember, it doesn't change anything."

Iruka counted off the seconds then hauled him towards his bedroom. Ah but that's where you're wrong Kakashi-sensei. Sex _always _changes _everything_.

With ease born of long practice Kakashi stripped off his snug clothing and dumped it on the floor. Iruka was just focused enough to notice an absence of jingles, bell-like jingles, as it fell. Oh well, he'd worry about that later. Right now he had a moment to seize. And an incomparably beautiful naked jounin stretched out on his bed.

He carefully disentangled his underwear from his twitching cock as he raked his eyes over the lean form, as pale and as perfectly sculpted as a marble statue of a Greek god. What would Michelangelo have done with a vision like this? After he'd finished fucking him into next week that is.

He folded his clothes and placed them on his chest of drawers, they weren't his after all, then crawled onto the bed on all fours.

Kakashi's mouth went dry, so much for the recovery period. Iruka's body was perfect. Not scrawny like his, nor over developed and bulging like some shinobi he could name. Each muscle was neatly and clearly defined, exuding quiet strength. And he had the same wild energy behind a calm façade that had originally drawn him to Hyate. Maybe the swordsman was right, maybe Iruka was perfect for him.

No! Not even thinking of going there. This was just sex, a one time deal. And then keep him off alcohol for the rest of the week.

But that didn't mean he couldn't enjoy the here and now. In fact he had something of an obligation. He grabbed the predator stalking towards him and rolled him over. He'd show him who was prey.

Iruka felt Kakashi's newly revived erection brush against his. It made his thighs part of their own accord. And he actually had to bite his tongue to keep from yelling something impossibly corny like 'fuck me now'. He coloured at the thought. That would have been embarrassing.

Kakashi misinterpreted the blush. "Impatient Sensei?"

Well yes he was. Blowing Kakshi had already taken him way past every line that he had ever known existed. He pressed the little tube that he'd taken from his top drawer and pressed it into the other man's hand.

"Let's just say eager."

Kakashi popped the cap with the tip of his thumbnail and squeezed its contents into his palm one handed. Iruka shivered in anticipation as he felt the cool gel and a probing finger slide down his crack. Oh yes. He just hoped no one here had any expectations of lengthy foreplay. He wanted. Needed. Action. Now.

Directing a trickle of chakra into his fingertip Kakashi warmed and softened the tight ring of muscle. Then he directed it inside, to bloom over Iruka's sweet spot as little sparkles of energy. He knew how good that felt, he did it to himself sometimes. Well quite often actually.

Iruka writhed in pleasure at the sensation. Now that was something new, Kakashi hadn't done that last time. If he had he'd have hunted him down like a lost dog. Or a stray dog. Well he'd have got him back in his kennel where he belonged one way or another. And Oh! A perfect fit, a perfect fulfillment.

The beautiful silver shadow that Iruka had been longing for his whole life was part of him, now and forever, because whatever happened from here he would always have this moment. He hooked his ankles behind Kakashi's back, holding him close. Had he done something to the lube to create all those fiery tingles? Or was it just the magic of the man himself?

Yes, perfect.

Kakashi responded by rolling his hips, Iruka gasped and opened his eyes wide leaving Kakashi no choice but to stare into their depths. Past the lust, past the need, to bottomless pits of sweet sweet love. He gave himself up to the emotion, no longer knowing where one of them ended and the other began.

For Iruka that line had been lost long ago. It was too much, too good. The room melted around him, dissolving into white wiggly lines that abstractly reminded him of ramen noodles, if noodles could be made from neon lights.

And he dissolved right along with it.

When the all the little pieces finally reconnected he found himself lying in a nest of crumpled sheets, in his own bed, with Kakashi leering over him.

"Did I make the Earth move?"

Pretty damn close in fact. He rolled over and leered right back.

"Ha, but if you find the top of my head lying around put it somewhere safe will ya? I can't move, maybe the wine's finally caught all the way up with me."

Kakashi lay back and basked in the afterglow. Now that was good sex, really good. But way too fast. Next time he'd start out slow. Iruka's body was a whole new sexual landscape to discover and he'd always enjoyed exploring. The corner of his lips twitched as he imagined the soft and sensual noises he could get from stroking certain places just so. From nibbling and kissing and…

WHAT THE HELL WAS HE THINKING? NO!!! THERE WOULD BE NO NEXT TIME!!!

He sat up, ready to spring out of bed and get the hell out, before the hole he'd dug himself into could swallow what was left of his resolve.

Strong arms held him back. He became aware of Iruka's beautiful brown eyes, the limpid pools of affection now fully sated. "Stay for breakfast this time? Please?"

Kakashi's smile just happened. "Sure."

He was almost asleep when he felt soft lips brush against his and completely asleep when Iruka whispered, "I love you," as he snuggled up close.

Two little brass bells were the furthest thing from either of their minds.


	6. Chapter 6

A/N I had a small scare when I went to update this. I couldn't find the story in the list and i thought maybe someone had complained about the smex in the last chapter and had had it removed. Turns out i was just looking in the wrong place (that's dyslexia for you) so all's well O.o

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Umino Iruka was in a most unusual position.

In fact anyone who knew him as a modest but effective academy teacher, or as the self possessed chuunin who manned the mission desk at times, would have been _quite_ shocked. He was crouched in a sad dejected huddle on his kitchen floor, tugging at his tangled hair as if he intended to yank it all out by its very roots.

A surprising enough sight in and of itself. However, much more surprising, was the fact that he was completely naked. Except for the frilly blue apron tied around his waist, that is.

Crap. Way to go loverboy, you get the man of your dreams to stay over with a promise of breakfast, and what have got to offer? Nothing, nada. Not even one single lousy egg.

If he had an egg he could at least make pancakes, or crepes, or more waffles, or… well, egg.

He considered hurrying over to the nearest bakery to pick up some stuff, but Kakashi would probably get up while he was gone. And if he got up he'd get dressed. And Iruka didn't want that. Nooo, he didn't want it at all. Now what was it he taught his kids? A shinobi must be able to take whatever's available and use it to his or her best advantage.

He stood up, stretched his arms wide dropping two fistfuls of dark hair onto his floor, where they lay like mutant dust bunnies, and took a long cleansing breath.

Then he rifled through the contents of his fridge and cupboards one more time.

Well, there was the rump end of a loaf of bread, a bit stale but it would be ok if he toasted it. And yes, here, way in the back of the top shelf behind the web of an annoyed looking spider and three dead moths, he had some honey. A little stone jar of it. He'd brought it back from a mission in Grass country, two… three years ago. The wildflowers that grew in their prairies yielded wonderful honey, and if this wasn't the special occasion he'd been saving it for then he didn't know what was. And he had butter.

Buttered toast with honey and freshly made hot coffee. Fortunately Kakashi liked it black, since his milk had gone off. Simple, classic, and simply delicious. _Next_ time he'd make absolutely sure that he had fresh fruit.

But first he had to do his damnedest to make sure that there _was_ a next time.

He re-entered his bedroom in triumph, set the tray on the edge of the bed, and teased Kakashi with one of the glistening gooey triangles of toast.

"Breakfast sleepyhead."

"Mmnot asleep, just comfortable." Kakashi rolled over and his eyes fluttered open. Both eyes, scarlet and blue.

Iruka's heart skipped two… no, three beats, and promptly started to race double-time to make up for the omission. Maybe he was still dreaming. That must be it. He was still asleep, alone in his lonely apartment. And the past two days were all one long wet dream brought on by overwork and wishful thinking.

Kakashi took the offered toast and licked the sticky residue off Iruka's fingers. Sucking them into his mouth and rolling his tongue over them. If this was a dream Iruka had no desire to wake up. Ever.

"Mmmm good honey. Grass country?"

"Er yeah." Way to go Iruka, knock his socks off with your expansive vocabulary and scintillating conversation.

Kakashi snagged another toast and lay back on his pillow, stretching to full length, allowing molten drips of honey-butter to fall onto his tongue before dropping in the delicious morsel and chewing slowly.

Oh God. All of Iruka's vocabulary promptly vacated his brain, along with any thoughts beyond those lips and that tongue, that was now probing those lips. Its pointy pink tip investigating all their edges and corners, glistening with a sweetness all its own, searching for any missed traces of honey.

Stupefied by raw lust, what a pitiful fate. He couldn't even break the spell long enough to steal a kiss.

"Thought so. They have the best honey. It's the heather you know. It gives the flavour its dark musky undertones and just a hint of spice."

In fact it tastes a lot like you Iruka-sensei. Maybe I'll tell you one day. When this is all over and we can laugh about it as friends.

Iruka shook off his voyeuristic trance, dropped his apron to the floor and slipped into bed. Now… just as soon as they'd finished eating…

He reached over to take a toast for himself and resisted the urge to peek under the cover resting low on the other man's hips. Then did quick double take as he noticed that the plate was almost empty.

When? How? .

Kakashi was already draining his mug of coffee. "Sooo, any chance I can get up and get dressed without being pounced on? Not that I didn't appreciate it, but I'm already later than usual."

Pounced on? Had Kakashi been reading his mind?

The memory of a hard body, black leather and white skin, flooded back. Kakashi plastered against his wall while he…

Iruka felt his cheeks heating up and adjusted the sheet pulled over his lap. Well yes, he had been rather aggressive last night in taking what he wanted. And stupid, stupid, he'd gone straight for Kakashi's cock which was what he wanted, and ignored his bells which were what he needed to get. That was the problem with alcohol. It gave him the balls to go straight for the prize, but made his brain too fuzzy to remember what the real prize was.

"I'm sorry I guess I was a bit drunk. I get bossy when I drink."

A few more cogs slowly slid into place. "Just a minute, late? Late for what?"

Kakashi was gingerly peeling bedding off his thighs. He'd need a shower, at least. Possibly a diamond tipped drill too. Why did cum have to set like concrete when it dried. Really, you could use this stuff to patch holes in the Hokage monument.

"Mission, nothing much. But I told the kids to be ready at six."

Iruka's brain was still distracted enough to need a moment to process. Then he scrambled to check his suspicions against the clock by his bed. "Kakashi! It's already past eight. And why are you doing D class missions today, it's Saturday?"

Kakashi scratched at a patch of flakey dried… something on his stomach. He was feeling itchy all over, and he needed to get up and move, he hadn't used some of those muscles in, well, quite a while.

He snuck a peak at the other man. Iruka seemed as fresh as a daisy. Bright eyed, bushy tailed and raring to go. Made him wonder if his memory was faulty as to who'd been fucking who last night.

Kakashi moved the tray to the middle of the bed, stretched like a cat, then eased his long lean body off the edge of the bed flashing a full frontal view to die for.

Iruka clamped his thumb and forefinger to the bridge of his nose. Didn't this man have any natural modesty? For someone who always wore a mask in public this was just bizarre, and besides, he was a walking health hazard.

"Come now Iruka-sensei. We do the mission when the client wants it done. You should know, you're the one handing them out. And this client wants it done on Saturday so that he'll be home to 'supervise'. Right pain in the butt if you ask me. Which reminds me, how are you feeling this morning? Not too sore?"

A little, as it happened, but in fact he'd been rather enjoying the slight burn digging into his core. It was making little leftover happy tingles deep inside as he moved. Acting a bit like an aphrodisiac, the way very spicy food sometimes could, the tingle diffusing into a warm glow around his balls and his dick. And they weren't the only parts of his anatomy still hoping for a replay of last night's experience.

He licked his lips. Damn that jounin for being late… already. Not even time for a quickie, although without some Dutch courage in his system he doubted he'd have the nerve to suggest it anyway.

"I'm fine, fine. Get in the shower while I find you some of my clothes to wear." He glanced at the heap of castoff leather on the floor. "You can't wear those in public, the er, zipper's broken."

And besides, someone might see him. After last night he didn't want anyone else looking at Kakashi the way he'd looked at him, in those clothes, those skin-tight, ultra sexy ANBU clothes.

He didn't want anyone else to look at him like that ever again.

Kakashi felt a shiver run through him. Ooo, the 'teacher voice'. And Iruka wanted him to wear _his_ clothes? The very idea prompted a pleasant churning in the pit of his stomach. Inside Iruka's clothes, a faint echo of being inside Iruka. All day.

Now now Kakashi, get a grip. It's just a matter of convenience, do you see anyone else around here whose clothes you can borrow? And if you showed up at the bridge in ANBU gear Sakura would have a heart attack. He had a strong suspicion that Sasuske might too. Naruto _might_ notice. Nah, probably not.

Iruka was once more cursing his sloppy housekeeping as he stood inside his bathroom door holding two clean towels and a spare uniform. The glass door to his shower was much too smeared with soap scum to reveal anything interesting. And he knew that just the other side of that thin barrier Kakashi was covered in lather, water cascading in streams down his lean but muscular body, his skin flushed a delicate pink from its heat as he washed _his_ cum off his belly and thighs.

Not now Iruka. Just hold onto those thoughts for a bit. It's Saturday remember, you'll have plenty of empty hours to dwell on those kinds of details later… when you're all alone.

If nothing else these past few days had topped up his reserves of fantasy fodder by several thousand percent.

And… oh God, the bells. He'd forgotten them again, and this time he couldn't even blame the wine.

He dropped everything and made a beeline for Kakashi's discarded clothing.

And had just had time to determine that the bells absolutely positively were not there, when Kakashi sauntered back into the bedroom and placed the neatly folded uniform on the disordered bed. A moment later Iruka's too loose pants were cinched around the copy nin's narrow hips with his own thick leather belt.

Let's face it, you could put this man in sackcloth and ashes and he'd still look like a freaking movie star.

The slightly baggy but too short shirt pulled loose at the back revealing a narrow stripe of pale skin as Kakashi bent over to scoop up his leathers.

Iruka did _not_ slide his hand under it, but he wanted too. Oh how he wanted too.

Oblivious to the lustful thoughts he was provoking, Kakashi shrugged on a flack jacket. "Ok, well see you this evening, and I'll pick you up here this time? Perhaps we'll take in a movie. Your choice."

He waved a cheerful two-fingered wave. Ichi Icha was still showing, but he probably shouldn't entice the teacher to watch _that_ with him. Not after last night's goof up. Better to stick with something safe. Something without any sex. At all. Mary Poppins perhaps?

A glint of gold in the flowerpot by the door caught his eye as he was leaving. Shit, his bells, he'd almost forgotten. The plant was well tended and Iruka was certain to have noticed them when… He'd have thought he left them there on purpose for him to find.

But he hadn't. Had he?


	7. Chapter 7

Iruka heard the door close, shutting him in, shutting Kakashi out, separating them for the next half rotation of the earth. He crawled back into his bed and pulled the covers up to his chin.

They were creased and rumpled, fragrant with spots of sticky honey and the more organic scent of semen. The lingering reminders of what would forever be _that _night. Last night, when Kakashi had truly made him his, their two bodies forming a single heaving mass of passion, their two orgasms evident as one giant stain on his sheets.

Yes, sex always changed everything.

But he wasn't the one who'd needed to be seduced around here.

He pulled a pillow into the position where Kakashi had been and wrapped his arms around it, then arranged another below it in an approximation of a long thin body. He knew that _he_ was forever changed, but was Kakashi?

The copy nin _had_ looked different this morning, happier, more relaxed. What was the term he was trying to avoid? Contented? And Iruka had never been more surprised. Even when he seemed at risk of being bored to death Kakashi always had a thread of tension running through him, as thin and well hidden as chakra wire, but unmistakably there, when you knew how to look. And Iruka had been looking for a long time.

Of course the man had more than a thousand jutsus under his belt, it wasn't exactly Earth shattering news that he had at least a few surprises stashed away too. But could he, Umino Iruka, really be foolish enough to hope that he was the source of that contentment?

You're playing with fire here Iruka. No, not fire, lightening. It strikes fast and fierce and deadly, and then dissipates away into thin air. No one struck by lightening is ever quite the same again. Could he actually persuade Kakashi to accept him as a willing rod for his lightening, a thing of plain brown metal for him to dance his wild electric energy around, on a more permanent basis?

He could if only he could get his hands on one of those damn bells.

Oh well. At least he'd be better prepared if lightening did decide to strike twice. He hauled himself out of bed and into the bathroom. Then first stop of the day groceries and, most definitely, fresh fruit.

The farmer's market was all the way across town, so he went there first, no point hauling all his shopping there and back. He'd picked over the cherries and peaches with fervor that had even the old grandmothers clucking in appreciation, and was busy contemplating each cantaloupe by weighing them in his hands for ripeness.

"Iruka-kun, I was hoping I'd run into you. Yes…oh yes indeed. Walking a bit wobbly this morning aren't we? Now that's a well fucked chuunin if ever I saw one."

"Anko-san, hey. …What? WHAT?"

The melon slipped from his grasp and split open on impact, leaking its contents onto the ground like a fractured skull. He almost envied it its easy escape.

Anko's teeth, exposed by her narrow grin, looked sharper than her snake's and _much_ more venomous.

"Don't give me that Iruka. So spill. What was he like… well good obviously, anyone can tell that much. But let's have some specifics here. Does he like it rough? Ropes? Handcuffs? Just how kinky did he get? Blades? I've heard he was a demon with a sword as a kid. A thousand tiny cuts, not even deep enough to break skin, that set your whole body on fire…"

Iruka thrust payment for the ruined melon into the stall keeper's hand and shoved the konoichi behind a mountain of crated greens.

"No! Nothing like that. Kakashi's gentle and beautiful and perfect and I…"

"Yes?"

Ankp had an arm hooked around his shoulder and was massaging little circles on the middle of his back. "Yes Iruka-kun, you were saying? You…?"

Her sharp female scent flooded his senses.

Brought him back to his senses more like!

What had he done? What had he said? To _Anko_ of all people! And he'd almost told her that he loved… If he was lucky he had about ten minutes before every konoichi in Konoha was hunting him down in a raging mob, demanding a blow by blow account.

He fled. Clutching his already purchased fruit to his chest like a precious treasure. And didn't stop once until he found himself outside his local supermarket.

Great, ditched her. Now to stock up on basics and then go home and lie low.

He was hovering in front of the dairy case, deciding whether to buy milk, or cream, or both when…

"IRUUUKA-SEEENSEI!"

The kunai was in his hand as if it had appeared there of its own accord.

Iruka spun around to see, not the dreaded female jounin, but the top of a blond head.

"Na…Naruto! What are you doing here? Why aren't you with Kakashi-sensei?"

The boy beamed at the mound of rectangular packeges in his basket. "Buying ramen of course."

Iruka scratched at his scar in puzzlement. "Your mission is to buy ramen?"

The foxy grin turned foxier still. "No, course not. Kakashi-sensei got summoned so the mission's cancelled."

"Oh." Iruka just knew that his face betrayed his disappointment,after all it betrayed everything else. But Naruto didn't seem to notice.

"Did he say when he'd be back?"

"Nah. When'd that lazy-arse ever tell us anything…?"

Iruka's chest tightened. "Naruto…"

"But he'd better be back by Monday…"

His face started to colour. "Naruto…"

"Said he'd leave some stuff f'rus to do if he wasn't back by then…"

He could feel sweat prickling the skin of his brow. "Naruto…"

"How'm I ever gonna get to be Hokage if the pervert's never even around long enough to train me properly."

Iruka was as red and as shiny as any of the cherries he'd picked with such care. "NARUTO! Don't you dare talk about your Sensei like that!"

Naruto took three steps back, or maybe it was just the blast from the yell. His voice sounded thin and strained, and maybe just a little whiney.

"But it's true Iruka-sensei, I've gotta get trained properly. You're the one that taught me that."

Iruka made a furtive attempt to blot the moisture from his face as he picked up a container of milk and a container of cream and crammed them into his basket alongside the orange juice and eggs.

"Naruto, Kakashi-sensei is one of the most highly respected jounins in Konoha, don't call him a per… that. You should show him some respect."

Enormous blue eyes fixed on him like twin tracking beacons. "Um, ok Iruka-sensei. If _you_ say so."

What could he do but smile? His hand reached out to ruffle the blond head on autopilot. "Good. I do say so. And I'm sorry I shouted at you."

"S'ok Iruka-sensei. Just shows you care, right? S'not many people around who'd even do that much to acknowledge me."

Iruka's heart melted. Well obviously his date was cancelled, so why not?

"Want to meet up and get some ramen later? I've got a shift at the mission room so I'll see you after that, at seven?"

Naruto's face split into the most heartwarming smile in Konoha. Honestly, all those prejudiced idiots in the village had no idea what they were missing.

"Seven? Great." The boy hefted his basket from where he'd placed it on the floor. "Guess this lot oughta be enough t'keep me going til then."

Ah kids.

The rest of the daylight hours vanished amidst housecleaning, laundry, and a multitude of other too long delayed household chores. Iruka found himself so busy that he almost didn't mind Kakashi's absence. Just as long as the days he was gone got tacked onto the end of their agreement. They would, wouldn't they? Otherwise life would be just too unfair.

But at least as he left for his shift his apartment was gleaming, sparkly fresh and lemon scented.

His good mood lasted all the way to the mission room. Anko was waiting there, ready to pounce. Shit. No wonder she'd given up so easily before. She must have already checked the roster.

Iruka teleported two floors down and into the record room before he'd so much as set a foot inside.

No one would look for him there. No one would look for _anyone_ there. It was the place where old paperwork went to die. The morgue was friendlier. And infinitely cleaner.

"Iruuuka! Where aaare youu? Come on sweetie, do you really think you can get away from me that easily?"

The man in question let his back slide down the end of some shelves, stacked with slightly more than their fair share of almost a century's worth of scrolls. Crap, she'd followed his chakra trail.

But then again he had a home field advantage. He'd spent more time in this horrible dusty room than any ninja in Konoha, except perhaps for Kotetsu and…

"Izumo! Thank God! Distract Anko for me will you? I've gotta get out through the escape door in the back."

The bewildered chuunin looked up from a pile of old parchment. What was Iruka doing down here? Wasn't he supposed to be on desk duty?

"Uh sure… wait Anko! How the hell am I supposed to…"

Iruka was already at the hidden door between the toilet and a broom closet at the back of the room. He flashed through the seals to make it visible, flung it open and dashed up the narrow spiral staircase it concealed, neatly dodging traps along the way (he'd set most of them up after all).

Anka was waiting for him where it emerged in the almost unused service hallway behind the mission room.

Shit! Full circle.

"Look Anko, I'll make a deal. You get me Kakashi's bells and I'll tell you everything."

There was a fiendishly wicked glint in her eye as she managed to loom over him. A significant feat since she was at least five inches shorter.

"Everything?

Iruka spared a moment of regret for whatever harm she'd undoubtedly caused to poor Izumo.

"Yes everything. I promise." He might as well. She'd beat it out of him anyway.

"You've got a deal Sensei. Well see ya."

Right, time to get to work.

The smoke from Anko's teleportation jutsu had barely cleared when a loud and over enthusiastic voice hailed from across the hallway. "Iruka-sensei!"

Crap, were the male jounins after him too?

The male jounin in question gave him an unusual look. But that didn't mean anything, most of Maito Gai's looks were unusual.

Then he did something completely unexpected. He grabbed Iruka's hand and dragged him into a deep alcove next to the boiler room, where the janitor had stashed a mop, a bucket of soapy water and a few other cleaning supplies.

The jounin, however, didn't act as if he'd done anything unexpected at all.

"Iruka-sensei, my youthful students have informed me about what transpired between you and my noble… That is between you and Kakashi."

Iruka backed up as close to the wall as he could.

"Um, yes?"

What now? So Gai's students knew that he'd had sex with Kakashi. But how? Anko must have told Kurenai, who'd let it slip to her gennins.

Oh no, that meant every gennin in the village would know by now.

Naruto would know.

He wondered if he asked politely, if Kakashi would teach him that jutsu for burying himself underground, it would save an awful lot of digging.

In the midst of his anxious pondering Iruka had become dimly aware that Gai had taken off his orange leg weights. And that he was talking again.

"I'm happy for you both, but of course this means…"

Gai was sliding down the zipper on his jumpsuit.

What! Means what? Did Gai seriously think that because he'd had sex with one jounin he's have sex with _any_ jounin? And here, right behind the mission room? Was he crazy? Duh! Of course he was crazy, he was Maito Gai.

Iruka mentally negotiated the obstacles on the floor. Not that he had a hope in hell of making a clean getaway, Gai's speed was legendary.

"Gai-san please! You're not… that is I don't… I mean I've had feelings for Kakashi for a long time now."

Gai had stripped out of his one-piece garment and was holding it in both hands. Offering it to Iruka with a deep bow.

"Please take this, I am unworthy." His chiseled featured were set in a look of grim determination. "You have supplanted me as Kakashi's rival."

His what?

Oh.

Relief washed over the flustered teacher like the deluge from a broken dam.

"Um, Gai-san, really it's not like that. Kakashi just challenged me to take his bell. I mean it's really not like a challenge challenge. That is I haven't challenged him to do anything."

"Oh."

Gai straightened, making it impossible for Iruka to avoid solving one of Konoha's greatest unsolved mysteries. No, the beautiful green beast did _not_ wear underwear.

"You mean he isn't trying to take a bell from you as well?"

The flash of teeth in the gloomy corner distracted Iruka long enough for him to switch his gaze to a much more comfortable part of the other man's anatomy.

"Of course not. As if. I mean there's no way I'd stop him from getting anything he wants from me."

Now that hadn't come out sounding quite right either. Not that it wasn't true of course…

Gai took a step closer. Suddenly Iruka could understand why the ancient Scots had gone into battle naked, it was terrifying. He could taste the sweat that was streaming from his brow.

"So you two aren't rivals?" Gai's eyebrows almost swallowed his eyes as he scrunched his face in deep consideration.

Iruka tried, and failed, an approximation of a carefree laugh. "Haha. No not at all, it's just a little game, a one off thing. So you can…" He indicated the jumpsuit still hanging limply in Gai's hands.

The tension left Gai's impressive body and he wiped away his manly tears and started to ease that same body back into his very tight garment. "Iruka-sensei, you've made me _so_ happy."

If there were any Gods at all who didn't utterly despise him, no one had heard those words, from those lips, at that particular moment… while Gai was still half naked.

Iruka kept his eyes fixed on Gai's radiant face, although he really wanted to see how he would avoid snagging his zipper on all that hair. He forced a smile in return.

"Quite alright Gai-sensei, just a simple misunderstanding."

With that he bowed politely and then walked… walked away to resume his shift at the desk (teleporting might seem rude), kicking over the bucket and sending the mop clattering to the floor. But he hardly even noticed, could barely hear past the booming of his heart. And besides, he was too busy sucking in deep breaths of life affirming air. Because he really felt as if he'd just had one, very narrow, escape.

After all this an evening in even Naruto's company would seem positively relaxing.


	8. Chapter 8

Kakashi watched the stout walls of his beloved village edge closer and closer, from above the top of his novel. It was coming up to his very favourite part. The part where Carlos the handsome and rugged pony tailed stable hand, meets up with Lady Crumpleweed and lets her lead him into the hay barn. Woohoo, this was gonna be good.

He knew it was gonna be good because he'd already read it about twenty times.

"Oh Carlos. My one true love!"

"Milady."

"Oh Carlos. Let me look into your beautiful eyes and track my fingers over every contour of your perfect face, whilst I divest myself of these lacy underthings."

"Milady."

Hold on just a minute, how could she divest her lacy underwear if she still had her hands on his face? He'd never thought of that before. But on the other hand, who cares?

"Kiss me Carlos! Kiss me from heel to thigh. Let me thrill to the touch of your trembling lips against my milk white skin."

"Yes Milady."

What the…? Kakashi looked up from his treasury of printed porno. The words were fading and swimming before his eyes, turning into a sea of oohs and aahs and multiple exclamation marks. And he hadn't even got to the part where Carlos plunges his valiant shaft into Milady's willing body…

Rats!

Kakashi closed the book and tucked it away with a gentle sigh.

Damn kid with his damn jutsu. The brat couldn't have been much more than ten. Yet somehow, in the blink of an eye, he'd turned his long black hair into something with the strength and other much more unpleasant properties of razor wire. And Kakashi had found himself right in the middle of a huge snarling knot of it… naturally. Getting them both out of that hideous mess without either of them killing the other had been a little too close to impossible, even for him.

Just where did these freaks come from anyway, and why, oh why, did they always have to pop up somewhere between him and his mission?

He picked at the dirty bandage around the laceration on his wrist, which had come way too close to severing the artery. And although it had stopped short of it by a hair (ha, that was a good one), he'd still lost a decent amount of blood.

Under the circumstances it only stood to reason that he should keep what he had left in the same general area as his brain.

Not only that but as a result of that particular battle, on scale of one to ten, the pain in his sharingan was currently hovering between eleven and twelve.

But on the other hand at least he was still standing. The last time he'd had to use 'the eye' this long at a single stretch he'd staggered in through the gate and woken up in his bed. Or rather been woken, rather abruptly he might add, by one Maito Gai, several days later. With only the fuzziest recollection of events that may, or may not, have transpired. And… for some reason Umino Iruka seemed to feature in these real or imagined events rather prominently.

But then again the academy sensei was featuring rather prominently in an awful lot of his thoughts lately.

He waved at the shinobi on gate duty as he was ushered in, and resisted the urge to fall to his knees and kiss the soil of home.

He might not have the strength to stand up again, and that would be embarrassing.

Well thank God it was still early, plenty of time for a few hours of shuteye. And then once he'd made his report he could meet up with that same academy sensei before turning in for a well deserved night's rest.

He tried hard to insist to his worn and ragged conscience that he _did_ have some real obligation to get together with Iruka. He'd promised him a week after all, and three full days of that were now shot to pieces. Iruka _deserved_ to be given a decent opportunity to take one of his bells.

But his conscience would have none of it.

Come off it Kakashi, you know perfectly well that you just want to see him. You've missed him haven't you? Well you might as well enjoy it while you still can kiddo, because once this week is up... over, done, the fat lady shuts her trap, packs up her music and goes home. And _then_ you won't have any choice but to get these temptations back inside your fantasies where they belong.

Speaking of fantasies, wasn't that Iruka-kun? Strolling past, just a dozen yard or so away? What the hell was he doing all the way out here?

Kakashi scurried a few stumbling steps to catch up and the dark haired figure turned towards him.

Iruka?

No, not Iruka the feel was all wrong. Iruka's aura was like a river, shining bright and smooth in the sunlight, twinkling in a million sparkles as it played and slashed through the rapids and crashing in a mighty raging torrents over the falls, only to level out and become smooth and gentle again. This felt more like a volcano, poison gas and flaming lava sealed under a too thin crust that could rupture at any time.

But this build, the tan skin, the ponytail, surely it couldn't be… Carlos?

The pony tailed man smiled and reached out to catch his hand. He led him towards a nearby low wooden building, which was used to store the bales of straw used for target practice in the various training fields. And which was also, not coincidentally, much favoured by Konoha's courting couples.

Once inside Kakashi felt prickly straw at his back and hasty fingers tugging at his clothes.

Exactly when had he become horizontal?

But Oh!

"Oh Carlos."

Anko smirked beneath her henge as she ran her hand along the length of the delectable cock she'd just exposed. With Kakashi this far out of it she had at least a decent chance of fooling him long enough to search for those damn bells through every inch of his clothing. And… if he got sufficiently carried away in the process to… well then, so much the better. He bedroom door still needed a little notch designated 'Copy Nin'.

He had to have them on him somewhere. She'd already gone through his apartment with a fine tooth comb. Of course so had every other ninja in Konoha ranked high enough to feel they had a prayer of getting away with it. His traps had been formidable, although for the life of her she couldn't think why. There was nothing there worth taking. And even his extensive hentai collection fell far short of potential blackmail material.

Sunlight flooded the interior of the barn as the door flew open with a satisfying wump. And a familiar and oh-so-welcomed voice echoed through the musty space.

"Kakashi-sensei are you… What? WHAT! Who the hell are you and why are you disguised as me and just what the hell do you think you're doing to Kakashi-san?"

"Carlos please…"

"And… and who the hell is Carlos?"

Kakashi turned to the figure outlined against the bright sky. "Iruka! Have you come to join us? I've always wanted to try a threesome."

Anko dropped the henge and untied her hair from its ponytail as she rose from her knees and sauntered towards him.

"Chill Iruka, just looking for his bells for you."

"Bells! Anko-san I think you need a dictionary, for your information bells is spelled with an e. Don't you realize that this is sexual assault?"

She didn't get a chance to answer. Kakashi suddenly loomed between them, having zippered himself up and somehow staggered to his feet.

"Ha, as if I'd carry bells around with me on a stealth mission. S'ok Anko, leave us alone. I won't file a complaint. Just ask next time… if you don't mind."

She gave him a wink, a leer, a lazy two fingered salute, then made her way out of the door as slowly as she could get away with. What with Iruka about to explode with rage and all.

"Later."

Iruka felt his righteous indignation frothing and seething and about to boil over.

"Kakashi! You can't just let her get away with that, without a word."

Kakashi smiled through his mask. At least Anko had been too curious about… let's just say 'other parts' to leave _that_ in place.

"Let it go Iruka. A little gropage and cockteasing never hurt anyone, she wasn't trying to kill me or maim me or anything like that, and that's the best deal I've had in days. And besides, she's a jounin, don't make trouble for yourself."

"But Kakashi…"

The Copy Nin waved a hand in dismissal. "Look, I've gotta get home and catch a few Zs. I ran into a blood limit I've never heard of before and I really do need to let Sandaime know all about it. But if I go there looking like this he'll slam me in the hospital, for a week. So thanks for defending my virtue and all but… bye."

Iruka took a long moment to scan Kakashi's face, well the visible part at least. In other words his right eye. He wasn't surprised to find that it was full of genuine humour and genuine warmth."

"Ok, you win. Walk you home?"

Without waiting for an answer he took Kakashi's hand, more to be ready to catch him if he fell than as a romantic gesture. But it still felt nice.

Once he'd settled Kakashi in bed with a mug of warm reconstituted powdered milk and some canned tapioca pudding, not much but it was either that or canned pickled herring, he set off for the academy. You'd think that constantly being sent away, at a moment's notice, for weeks at a time, would have taught the man to keep a decent stock of non-perishable foods on hand. But then jounin's weren't exactly famous for their common sense.

Now, if he hurried he'd just make it.

Thank goodness he'd been checking at the gate to see if Kakashi had come back yet every morning, evening, and ok two out of three lunchtimes. But damn that woman Anko. He felt like slapping her upside her head for taking advantage… for touching his Kakashi like that.

But he wasn't _his_ Kakashi. That was the problem. And he wouldn't be unless… those damn bells. They were the source of and solution to all his problems. Well at least Kakashi had promised to check in with him at the mission room after giving Hokage-sama his confidential report.

At first glance the Copy Nin looked back to normal when he finally made it to the mission room. The slouch was back in his step and he seemed ready to fall asleep, not from fatigue, but from boredom. He took a quick look around, just in case someone else had come in behind him, and to Iruka's delight, pulled down his mask.

Was this a regular thing now? Would Kakashi let him see his face even after the week was up? God, he hoped so.

"Well thanks again for this morning. I can't imagine what you were doing all the way out by the gate that early in the day but, well thanks. Can I take you out to dinner as a proper thank you?"

Iruka scrunched his face into a happy grin. As if Kakashi needed an excuse to ask… "Sure I'm just about done here so… "

"Great. But no alcohol… for either of us, I never get caught with the same trick twice. And besides, if you so much as waft a few fumes in my direction I'd be out cold before I hit the floor, I'm that wasted."

Kakashi did still look rather worn and haggard now that the mask was gone. Iruka felt a swell of protective indignation rising from within. Just what did Sandaime make him do on all these classified missions? And he'd been doing an awful lot of them lately. Dammit he was a man, not a machine.

"If you're that tired perhaps we shouldn't go out." No, you should come straight home with me now. And I'll snuggle you up in my bed and hug you and kiss you and keep you safe and warm in my arms…

"Nah, I've gotta eat something decent or I'll wish the enemy nins had had better aim. I've been running like a maniac with no time for anything but field rations the whole blasted time. So where will it be Iruka-sensei? What kind of tasties tempt your palate this evening? Anything from dog food up will be like ambrosia to mine."

Despite the fatigue Kakashi's face was alight with one of his too rare genuine smiles.

Iruka felt a flicker of panic, what did he know about fancy food? What did he know about anything except…

"Um, ramen? It's early yet so Ichiraku's shouldn't be too crowded, it's close by and his broths will be freshly made." He scrunched his scar again in his trademark happy grin. "Better than dog food at any rate."

Kakashi's smile grew brighter still. In fact by now it rivaled one of Gai's in its brilliance.

Iruka ran his tongue across his teeth and wondered if it was time to buy a new toothbrush.

He _didn't _take Kakashi's hand in his as they walked the few blocks to Ichiraku's, but he wanted too. It had seemed so natural this morning, and that time before Kakashi had gone away, when they'd strolled home together after their first 'date'. But now he wasn't tipsy and Kakashi didn't look as if he might collapse in a heap any moment. And the worst thing was he knew he had absolutely no right to complain. He was being offered the friendship of one of the best, the most famous, ninja's on the whole continent.

And it was so much not enough.

They slipped under the awning and settled into two of the large comfortable wooden stools at the counter. The owner seemed to be busy in the back, but they weren't in any particular hurry.

Kakashi looked around at the slightly worn counter, the huge pots of bubbling both in plain sight, the big rough bags of flour and vegetables and… stuff, stacked against the wall behind the counter. It was familiar, comfortable, and he had to admit, rather shabby. Iruka deserved better than this. Iruka deserved to eat the world's finest dainties served on a golden platter.

"Are you sure this is where you want to go?" 

Iruka was startled out of his contemplation over the virtues of pork yet again, or trying something different. Of course this was where he wanted to go. Hadn't they already established that?

"I like ramen, and it's hot, quick, filling, wholesome and easy to digest."

Kakashi knew he had the goofiest grin on his face, but he couldn't bring himself to care. That was another wonderful thing about Iruka. He actually said what he meant and meant what he said, almost unheard of in a ninja.

"Right, just exactly what I need after a tiring mission. You know you'll make some lucky lady a wonderful husband one day." He stole a quick mask covered kiss. "But tomorrow I want to go back to La Gallina, you really should try their snails at least once in your life."

Iruka stifled a squawk of horror. The last thing in the world he wanted was to be was a lucky lady's wonderful husband. It came right at the end of the list after not wanting to eat snails.

"Kakashi-sensei, you shouldn't be so extravagant. Not that I didn't enjoy it, because I did. It was incredible."

Although what had come after was a whole lot better still. And there was no woman in the world who could do _that_ for him.

Kakashi slung an arm around his shoulder.

"Iruka-sensei, what else do I have to spend my money on? I don't have a family. I don't want the fuss and bother of maintaining a house. My hobbies," he patted the book stashed in his back pouch, "are relatively cheap."

Iruka shrugged and waved his hands vaguely, palms up. "I don't know, save it for your retirement of something."

Kakashi fell off his stool.

"Retirement!"

He pulled himself to his feet using the edge of the counter, his whole body quaking with laughter.

"Iruka-sensei, you're a teacher, do the math! What's the probability of someone like me retiring? Look, let me step you through it. The chance of surviving the average S class or A class is about nine out of ten, or ninety percent. Not so bad, but for two in a row you multiply them together which gives you eighty-one out of a hundred or eighty one percent. Three is seven hundred and twenty-nine in a thousand or about seventy-three percent. The more you do the lower it gets, by the time you've done ten and come back breathing you're already beating the odds. And I've been doing one every few weeks since I was thirteen."

He peered at him from under his headband. "Still want one of those bells?"

When their food arrived they ate in silence.

It wasn't until the bowls had been cleared away and Kakashi had won the fight over the bill that Iruka answered. 

"Yes Kakashi-sensei. Yes I do."


	9. Chapter 9

The two men left the ramen stand together, and then went their separate ways.

Iruka needed… well what he really needed was one of Kakashi's bells, bundled together with the promise of a perfect sunshine and rainbows future, all tied up with a rosy pink ribbon. Second best he needed to go somewhere and think, hard.

With that in mind he turned, not towards home, but towards the academy, Kakashi had been in his apartment. Three times. The shadow of his presence remained draped on his couch, his touch lingered on his teacups, and, oh God, his bed…

His classroom was the one place on earth where he had succeeded in maintaining some measure of order in the wretched mess that was currently his life. And the one place where had a prayer of forcing a little discipline into the turmoil currently raging in his heart.

Kakashi didn't go home either, although he knew he should. He could feel the fuzzy edge of exhaustion closing in around him, nibbling at the edges of his consciousness as silently and as relentlessly as termites at the edges of a fallen tree. No doubt about it, he wasn't a kid anymore.

But going to bed, alone, with Iruka's words of affirmation still ringing in his ears, was out of the question. So, after a moment's hesitation, he set off towards the monument. Obito's advice had never steered him wrong so far.

Iruka stared at the neat rows of wooden desks and benches, at the shelves lined with heavy tomes on chakra control, worn by generations of eager sticky fingers, and stacked with tightly wound scrolls. Everything had a place to be and was nestled securely in that place. If only everything in life could be so easy.

He used the chalk eraser to remove his diagram illustrating chakra flow through the shoulders and upper torso from the chalk board. Kohanamaru was supposed to have done that at the end of the day, but when did that kid ever live up to his obligations? When did any of them?

He allowed himself a fond smile, but still, they did ok, on the whole, in the end.

"No no, I toldja. I heard this lady talking to Kurenai-sensei, who heard it from Shizune-sama, who heard it from Anko-sama."

Speak of the… Kohonamaru?

What the hell was he doing here? At this time of night?

Surely he hadn't come back just to erase the blackboard!

"You see Kakashi-sensei couldn't take the stupid bells with him on his super secret mission coz he had to be all stealthly-like, and jingly jangly bells coulda given him away. And that means he musta hid them somewhere. And where's the last place anyone ever looks? Right under their noses, right? So I betcha he put them right here in Iruka-sensei's classroom. S'what I woulda done."

Right under his nose. In his own classroom. Well done Kohonamaru! The kid had a future as a ninja yet.

Iruka felt his fingers twitching as he mentally surveyed the room for the perfect hiding place.

But on the other hand… if he left it to the kids to tear the room apart, then they would have to set it all to rights again afterwards… which would save him hours of trouble. He felt a momentary pang of guilt at his sneakiness, but quickly stifled it with the thought that they'd most likely do a better job of searching too. After all, they'd already out-thought him once on this one.

With an almost silent pop, Iruka vacated the room and set off towards home with a lightness of spirit that he hadn't felt in days.

Obito wasn't at the monument.

Kakashi stared up at two stars struggling for visibility against the dim light still clinging to the western sky.

Then where?

He tracked his forefinger over a dozen or so familiar etchings in the black stone. Ok, worth a try. One last detour on the way home and then to sleep.

The Uchiha shrine and burial ground was always far too full of unquiet spirits in broad daylight. In the final witching hour of dusk it was a zoo. Kakashi felt them brushing against his ki, sending little ripples of disturbance through his chakra, no matter how tightly he held it bound. But they were just checking him out, just sniffing at this stranger who had wandered in from a world they no longer had a part in.

He wound his way through the maze of grave markers. A few, predating the massacre or erected by friends and lovers from outside the clan, stood out from the rows of plain elegant tablets that had been ordered en masse by The Third. They were a fitting tribute to a clan that had been fiercely proud of its strength in unity. And of its complete indifference to the opinions of outsiders.

Kakashi had only been here a few times before, preferring to remember his teammate as a fallen comrade, than as yet another dead Uchiha. But his distinctive stone was easy enough to find.

He felt the familiar kanji of Obito's name in the almost total dark and then brushed his fingertips over the other, less familiar, marks.

So that's what you dragged me all the way out here to see old friend. Date of birth, date of death.

Ok I get it. Life is short so make the most of it while you still can. And death can come at any time, from the most unexpected places.

He rubbed at his eye, their eye, the only part of the boy buried at his feet still living. He kept it alive just as it had kept him alive so many times. A grim bargain, and one Obito wasn't about to let him forget.

So, Obito-kun, you like the way Iruka looks all hot and sweaty too do you? You little pervert. Ok. I'll stop pining the life _you_ gave me away, and maybe I'll just go ahead and give him the blasted bell. But I can't think about it now, wait until morning. Or I'll pass out right here, and… he brushed away a fluttering touch that wasn't a touch, reaching for the edge of his mask… if you don't mind, I don't really feel like sharing my dreams with your whole freaking nosy clan.

Iruka was almost, almost, asleep when he heard the footfalls, lighter than a sparrow's, approaching his door.

"Um… Iruka, could I spend the night here, with you?"

They were the words he wanted to hear, but unfortunately the voice was completely wrong. Well except that it was male, if it had been Anko's he'd have totally freaked. He pulled a light yukata over the t-shirt and boxers he was sleeping in and opened the door.

"Hayate? What the hell?"

The jounin gave him a sheepish look through narrow-slitted eyes. "Um yeah, been locked out."

Iruka took in the smear of blood from a cut on his cheek, the dark shadows under his eyes, the hangdog droop to his shoulders. "Well don't just stand there bleeding, come on in if you're going to. So what did you do this time?"

Hayate coughed painfully into his hand as he tried to hide a yet more painful smile.

"How the hell would I know? She just yelled, threw stuff and kicked me out."

Iruka was already rummaging through his first aid kit.

"I can tell you… at times like this I'm really glad that I don't have any urge to get involved with women."

He wiped off the cut with an alcohol soaked pad and slapped on a bandaid with the practiced ease of one who deals with the heady mix of preteen children and sharp weapons on a daily basis.

Hayate winced at the alcohol's sting in a most un-jouninlike fashion.

"No, you picked Hatake Kakashi to fall for. Of course he's soo much easier to understand."

That little snipe cut deeper than any broken plate, even one hurled by a female ANBU.

Iruka felt the tears he'd been holding back all evening prickling in his eyes.

"Hayate don't. Just don't, ok."

With a swordsman's lightening reflexes Hayate had him on his lap, on the couch, and was rubbing long soothing strokes up and down his spine. "Sorry Ruka, I didn't come here to take out my troubles on you. Forgive?"

Iruka sighed into Hayate's hair. He felt stupid sitting there, he was too tall for Hayate, and too heavy, and besides he was a chuunin dammit. Ninja's didn't cry on their buddy's shoulders over… over anything. But he couldn't bring himself to slide off either.

"Of course dummy."

Hayate stopped stroking. "So how's the grand and glorious seduction of Hatake Kakashi working out so far anyways?"

It earned him a snort. "I don't know. I know he likes me, and we're _so_ good together… he's gotta know that as well as I do. But every time I think I'm getting somewhere he pulls back. Not far, but far enough to be out of reach. And… and, the stupid thing is, whenever I'm around him all I can think about is how good it feels to be around him."

He sighed a heartfelt weary sigh. "I'll never get those stupid bells at this rate."

Hayate leaned back to look up into his face. "You've got darker circles round your eyes than a panda. Didn't sleep much while he was gone, did you? Tell you what, go to bed and I'll help you plot in the morning. I'll take the couch."

"Not a chance Hayate. I may have shadows round my eyes but you look like death warmed over. It's not a very big bed but we can still share."

"Mmm guess I'm smaller than Kakashi, right?"

Iruka's face lit up with his heartwarming smile. "Idiot."

Kakashi woke early. He stretched to retrieve his bells from under the potted plant on the widow sill behind his bed.

"Thanks Ukki-kun, you did a great job guarding these. All their fancy disclosing jutsus and not one of them thought to look under the flowerpot. So much for tradition."

He held them in his hand as he showered and as he dressed. Then put them on the table in front of him while he drank his morning tea. The bell test was devised to force a ninja graduate to realize what was important, what they really wanted to become as a Konoha shinobi.

And even knowing that as well as he did he'd _still _managed to trip himself up with his own test. He felt as if he'd metaphorically tied himself to that wretched stump.

Iruka loved him. Their conversation at Ichiraku's had confirmed it. Well maybe not full-fledged love, not yet, more like an infatuation really. But it would grow and deepen if he let it. Yes Iruka knew exactly what he wanted.

And what did he want. Well when you put it like that it was easy, he wanted Iruka. Iruka was cute, sweet, as sexy as a wet dream walking, and Iruka loved him. Hell a dead man would want Iruka. So what was he waiting for?

He hooked the bells to his belt and set off for Iruka's apartment.

But Iruka didn't seem _particularly_ happy to see him. Well not so much unhappy, more uneasy. He opened the door an inch in response to Kakashi's knock and peered around it.

"Ah Kakashi-sensei. I, er, didn't expect you, at least not so early."

The shower was running, and from the sound of water hitting solid flesh there was someone in it.

Not Iruka obviously, since he was at the door. And Hayate's distinctive scent was already seeping past the cracked open door.

Well this was unexpected.

But on the other hand, the tangy odour of sex was conspicuously absent. The thin tendril of jealousy that had started to tighten round Kakashi's heart made an abrupt retreat, before he's had a chance to decide if he was jealous of Hayate for being with Iruka or with Iruka for being with Hayate.

Iruka swallowed hard and opened the door all the way. "Come in please. Have you had breakfast? Just have a seat in the living room while I throw something together." He shot a look backwards towards the bathroom. "Hayate's fiancée kicked him out, they had a fight."

Oh.

Really? Another one?

His heart did a wicked backflip for joy. "Don't bother. I just stopped by to…"

"No no, it's ok I've gotta run. But I have fresh fruit, and orange juice?"

Who could refuse that look? Kakashi's eye curved into a happy smile.

"Perfect."

The chuunin reappeared with a plate of peaches and cherries and two glasses of golden juice, and perched on the couch beside him.

Kakashi lowered his mask, picked up a peach and took a bite. It was a little bit past its prime but still very good, running with juice and full of flavour. Just what he needed to refresh his spirits after the grueling mission of the past few days.

Of course news of Hayate's domestic troubles hadn't hurt either.

Iruka watched the dark fabric go down and the peach come up. He wasn't surprised to see the blush on its fuzzy skin, he was blushing too as he envied the fruit its contact with Kakashi's mouth. As he imagined those neat white teeth nibbling at his skin, that sensuous tongue rolling around his flesh.

He leaned in to claim a dribble of peach juice from Kakashi's chin with his lips.

Kakashi seized the advantage. Iruka's hair was loose, still damp from his shower, he dropped the bitten peach back onto the plate and slid the fingers of both hands around the silken scalp as he pressed Iruka back into the couch in a peach flavoured kiss. Deliberately leaving his bells wide open.

And what a kiss, it didn't so much take Iruka's breath away as make him forget completely what breathing was all about. Well whatever it was it was decidedly over rated.

But Iruka hadn't taken the bait, hadn't even looked at the bells. He was still sitting, eyes closed, mouth agape, head flopped back, as Kakashi reached to retrieve his half eaten fruit.

Mmm, maybe he'd over done it. The Jounin popped a cherry into Iruka's open mouth, with the stalk still attached.

Iruka closed his teeth on it, then spluttered and spat it out. "Kakashi! What? Damn you, now I've got a stain on my shirt, and I'm late already and…"

Kakashi moistened the dark mark with his tongue and sucked at it, removing every trace of red, then raised his lips to place a peck on the teacher's mouth. "All gone, good as new. Don't worry it will be dry by the time you reach the academy."

It was indeed gone. Iruka blushed as he brushed at the damp spot with his fingers, it looked like a hickey. "Um ok, thanks. I guess. Let yourself out Yate."

The door closed behind him.

Kakashi finally acknowledged the towel clad figure that had been hovering outside his field of view for the past ten minutes.

"Enjoy the show?"

"Very much, I should sell tickets. Either that or string up a few wires and link the electricity into the village power system."

He ghosted forward, took Iruka's place on the couch and pointed to the bells at Kakashi's waist as he grabbed a fistful of cherries.

"Did you come here to give him those?"

Kakashi looked Hayate over, from the tips of his surprisingly tapered toes to his glossy mane of dark hair. Yes he was still just as beautiful, but not what he wanted, not now. "Er, yeah. Well maybe."

Hayate dropped a cherry in his mouth, chewed slowly then spat out the stone into his hand.

"Well you can't. Look, you could have a week ago, but not now. If you just hand them over now he'll never feel worthy."

He dropped the stone on the edge of the plate with a barely audible 'tink'.

"You have to let him earn you, fair and square."

Kakashi stared at the dark stone on the white china. He could see the dreaded trap he'd been dancing around all week yawning open at his feet.

Iruka would feel unworthy, and he was a chuunin.

Aki-kun had been a chuunin, a great lovable teddy bear of a man, strong as an ox. But he was a _man_ and he needed to feel worthy, and it was Aki's need to prove himself to his sixteen year old ANBU captain lover had led him to take _that_ mission. The one that had killed him.

"But he'll never get them from me fair and square, you know that. He's much too nice to stoop to the low kind of trick he'd need to pull."

Hayate choked and spat the cherry in his mouth clear across the room.

"Nice! Nice? Kakashi, do you even _know_ Iruka? He spends eight hours a day teaching _children_ how to kill. I think we can all safely assume that that implies a _certain degree _of not-niceness."

He paused for a moment, either to recover his breath, or for the sake of dramatic tension. "In fact I can personally guarantee that Umino Iruka is one of the most stubborn, hardheaded and all around obstinate shinobi of all time. Get on the wrong side of that and you'll very soon learn just how not-nice he can be."

Kakashi,s expression was a blank wall as he sucked the rest of the flesh off his peach and set the gnarly stone next to the small red one from the cherry.

"Point. He's certainly as tenacious as hell. I've learned that much already."

"Exactly. In fact I'd give him even odds at getting a bell any day. That is if he could keep his mind on it and off your more interesting dangly bits that he's even more eager to get his hands on. Just give him a fair chance, in a completely non-romantic setting." He winked. "And remember, Konoha won't fall if you lose this one."

Kakashi closed his eye and considered. A non-romantic setting, then dinner at La Gallina was out. Just as well, the walk over had exhausted him far more than it should. Perhaps he should just stock up on edible food and go back to bed.

But tomorrow was the seventh day, the last day of their agreement. He took another peach, stood and made for the door.

"Ok, then tell him that I'll be resting all day today, so I'll see him tomorrow. At high noon… for a showdown. Then we'll finally settle this thing…"

He paused a long pause. he could do dramatic tension too.

" ...one way or the other."


	10. Chapter 10

Iruka leaned his forehead against the smooth hard paint of his front door as he fumbled for his keys. They were in his shuriken holster, all the way down at the bottom. Stupid stupid to drop them in there. And it wasn't as if it was the first time either. The last time he'd done it he'd ended up with a cut on his thumb that had hurt like hell, and bled all over his groceries, and forced him to hold his chopsticks funny, for a week, which had amused Naruto no end.

But then again he'd been unusually… distracted when he'd hurried out the door that morning.

Hell he'd been distracted all day.

Did he still have four days to get the bells, or just one? If only he'd asked Kakashi when he'd had the chance. Of course he'd pretty much assumed that the three days taken up by Kakashi's mission wouldn't count. But the more he'd thought it over the more he'd realized that when it came to the Copy Nin you couldn't assume… anything… ever. So, was he up against a deadline, or did he still have time to plot?

Time, that was the rub. He just needed more time. But somehow time never seemed to be on his side. It had the most annoying tendency to shrink to nothing and disappear when he was enjoying himself, but stretch on forever when he was not. The past eight hours for example seemed to have taken up half a lifetime.

The kids had been particularly restless and impossible with their relentless obsessing over his self-imposed 'mission', even for kids, even for ninja kids. Of course he couldn't really blame them. He'd been the one to ask for help in getting Kakashi's bells after all. He'd carefully avoided saying exactly why he wanted them, but more than a few of his students had pretty much guessed.

He sighed a bone weary sigh. If he was going to absentmindedly doodle hearts and cutesy pictures of spiky haired masked jounins, he supposed he really shouldn't draw them on the blackboard.

But the kids he could deal with, he did every other day. It was _his_ obsessing over that same spiky haired masked jounin that was eating him whole, from the inside out, starting with the parts of his brain responsible for forming coherent thoughts.

Just as his fingers made contact with something he recognized as his key-chain, the door swung open and he found himself pressed against a warm body. Lean, scrawny, all muscle and sinew… Hayate.

"Oh hey, you're still here? That must have been quite a lover's tiff if you're still hiding out from her."

Hayate gave him a cool unflustered look, but then all of his looks were pretty cool and he'd never once seen Hayate flustered in the nearly twenty years he'd known him.

"No, I should be forgiven by now. Yuugao will still be out training with her squad, probably won't be back for another hour at least. And I've got a message for you. From Kakashi."

Iruka couldn't help it, just the sound of the man's name made him glow. Was he a pushover or what?

Hayate chuckled as he ushered him in. "Damn you've got it bad Ruka. I swear if you don't win this showdown I'm taking a three month mission out of here. You're gonna be so pissed you'll make the whole village miserable. I'm really gonna pity those poor brats you teach."

Iruka's semi functional brain had somehow picked out the one relevant word. "Showdown? What showdown?"

"Oh yeah, Kakashi's message. Tell you what, why don't you sit yourself down and I'll make you a nice hot cup of tea."

A moment later Hayate was shoved hard against the wall, but not in a good way, as Iruka glowered down at him from his two inch advantage in height. Well five if you count the ponytail.

"Spill it jounin. Exactly _what_ did Kakashi tell you to say?

Hayate tried not to look _too_ intimidated, as Iruka had so conveniently pointed out, he was the jounin.

"Weell, he's too tuckered out to do anything today. And he said something about a final showdown to settle things one way or the other… tomorrow. Since tomorrow's the last day of the challenge. A showdown at high noon. That was it. I guess noon's the traditional time for showdowns. Or something."

Iruka slackened his grip and wandered into his small living room to sink onto his couch. So he did have just one more day. He knew he should be disappointed but somehow it seemed as if it had been inevitable all along.

And a showdown? At high noon? What the hell did that mean?

And no kakashi until tomorrow.

"Damn. And I was hoping to see him tonight."

He looked up at Hayate, who'd followed him, now that it seemed safe. "Perhaps you wouldn't mind making that tea now?"

Hayate grinned back down, showing way too many teeth. "No no Ruka-kun, you weren't hoping to see him tonight, you were hoping to fuck him tonight."

"Hayate!"

The grin widened from extremely amused to positively shit-eating.

"Hey now, don't bother getting all coy with me Iruka. I remember what it was like, a quick taste when he gets back after a few days out on a mission, just enough to leave you all hot and bothered until you can get him on his own, somewhere private, clothes optional. And then nothing, because he gets called into some high level strategy meeting, that happened a lot back then. Or because he's taken yet another jutsu or kunai or something within a hair of a vital spot, to save a teammate, and he's in the hospital."

Iruka's eyes widened to the size of salad plates as the implications of Hayate's little revelation descended on him like a truck full of bricks from the heavens. "You what? You remember! You mean you… you and Kakashi?"

Hayate had been gazing into the mid distance, or would have been if the tiny room had had one, but now he focused right on Iruka's face, staring him down, as if he'd been given a dare.

"Sure, we had a fling, a few years back. You think you're the only one around here who can appreciate a perfectly shaped arse?"

Iruks paled. And he'd left Hayate with Kakashi all morning, all day for all he knew, wearing nothing but a towel. "But… but Hayate, you _aren't_ gay!"

Hayate shrugged. It looked as if he was aiming for nonchalant, but Iruka was sure he could detect a hint of defensiveness somewhere in there too.

"True. Matter of fact I'm not even really bi. But hotdamn, you know, Hatake Kakashi! You've seen him naked. The first time he took off his mask was enough for me."

Iruka was suddenly finding it exceptionally difficult to breath. "He… he took off his…"

Hayate slapped him on the back. If Iruka's eyes had been open just one size wider they'd probably have been knocked clean out of his head by the jolt.

"Don't look so shocked Iruka. Although I must admit it's damn cute on you. It was when we were both in ANBU. Those porcelain masks are hot as hell when you're running, or fighting, or both. Regular sweat traps, and of course the fool had his other one on underneath… Then again, the fact that we'd been out in the wilds together for three weeks on one long adrenaline high _might_ have been a factor."

Iruka took a deep breath as he tried hard to banish the image of Kakashi and Hayate, in ANBU blacks, going at each other like rutting tigers in a billowing haze of testosterone fog.

He couldn't afford to miss his last chance of getting Kakashi's bell by being carted off to the hospital for massive blood loss.

"So… um, you er, you and Kakashi…"

"Yeah."

Hayate was looking way too wistful for Iruka's liking. "Funny isn't it, and now I'm engaged to Yuugao. Hard to believe. I always thought I'd end up with a cute little red headed civilian girl, with freckles. Remember her?"

He did. The memory from happier childhood days slipped into the rift that had opened between them. In some strange way it sealed up the breach, glue to keep their friendship whole.

"Yeah, she's been married for years. Got four kids already."

"Sooo… you and Kakashi… how long?

"Couple of years. Good years. But it was just a fling, nothing for you to get jealous over I promise. I mean it's not as if I was in his fanclub or anything."

Kakashi had a fanclub! Iruka took a deep breath, just how many revelations was he expected to handle in one day? Gods if only he'd known he'd have been their most loyal devotee. Under an appropriately untraceable false identity of course. The paperwork couldn't have been _that _hard to forge and he'd always rocked at henge. Gah… that was the price of not hanging around with girls.

But Hayate and Kakashi? It was still almost impossible to wrap his mind around.

A wicked question tickled his brain as he fought against the great grandmother of all blushes.

But he had to know.

"Um so um… Hayate, you and Kakashi, well…er… so… so who was on top? Obviously anyone would assume Kakashi, well he's the alpha of alphas, right? But then, you know… swordsman? No one with a grain of sense ever tries to stick a swordsman with anything so…"

Hayate at least had enough decency to colour a little in response, or maybe he'd just been caught off guard.

"Iruka! Hmm. Well one thing you'll get to understand about Kakashi, at least I hope you'll get the chance to understand, he likes to… experiment."

"You mean he…?"

"…And don't assume that everyone who's good with a blade is all hung up on that Freudian phallic nonsense either because…"

"So then you…?"

"Iruka. Ask Kakashi if you like. But I… will never… tell."

Hyate took his long katana from the corner table, withdrew it from its sheath and eyed its keen edge with a look that seemed distinctly intimate, even longing, despite his denial. Then he slid it back in, with a sensual thrust that was far too aggressive for anyone to misunderstand its not-so-hidden implications.

"Well I'd best be off. Gotta stop in at Yamanaka's florists on the way home. Say it with flowers, right. It's the only way with Yuugao, she never let's me get a word in anyways."

He vanished with a cheery wave. And he hadn't even made the tea he'd promised.

Iruka leaned back into his couch and groaned. Tomorrow. At high noon. Didn't Kakashi realize that he was still teaching at noon? What was he supposed to do, just run off and leave the kids to their own devices while he had his 'showdown'?

With a monumental effort he pushed himself to his feet and staggered into the kitchen to set the kettle on to boil.

Kakashi got up at dawn, significantly refreshed and if not exactly rested, in a hell of a lot better shape than he had been the day before. He spent three hours at the monument, four reading one of his favourite books in one of his favourite trees, then set off towards the academy. Ten minutes to spare, perfect timing.

He was almost there when something ran up against the edge of his warrior instincts. He froze.

Two shinobi, approaching out of the northwest One muscular, with the stiffness to his gait that came courtesy of scars from an old injury, but still strong enough to rip your head off with his bare hands. The other smaller, bandanna wrapped head, longish hair, lithe as a cat retrofitted with rubber joints in its legs.

Now now Kakashi, you've been back in Konoha for more than a day so get your head out of mission mode already, you moron.

He blinked twice. Ok, Raidou and Genma, coming right at him. No, they're leaning together for a quick kiss and Raidou is running off to the right. Which leaves…shit, Shurenai Genma.

Kakashi cursed his luck in half a dozen different dialects and languages, just what he needed, to run into Mr. Know It All himself, or at least Mr. Knows Far Too Much for anyone else's peace of mind.

Because if it was happening in Konoha, then you could be sure that Genma would know all about it. And he wasn't particularly discrete concerning exactly how much of that information he kept to himself, either.

He had time to spare, but not enough for this. Genma was much too good to fall for just any old evasions and obfuscations. But despite his misgivings he stopped at the jaunty hail.

"Hey Kakashi! Last day of the challenge right? So I take it you're on your way over to the academy to shove those bells in little Ruka-kun's fist, sling him over your shoulder and finally claim him as yours."

"Er, not exactly Genma."

A palm met the middle of his back with a hearty slap and there was a wicked point of steel twitching just beyond his longest lashes. Which was odd, because Genma was shorter than he was. Kakashi straightened his slouch just a tad.

"Then you're a bigger fool than even I ever took you for. Why would anyone turn down a hot little sensei like him?"

Why? All the reasons why suddenly threatened to overwhelm him. Beneath his mask his jaw clenched tighter than any vise, but he'd made a promise and he'd keep it. He'd give Iruka an honest chance.

Genma's expression suddenly became completely serious. It was something Kakashi had never seen before and never ever wanted to witness again.

"Kakashi. If it doesn't work out then it doesn't work out. Will you really be any worse off than you are now?"

Sadly he knew the answer to that one only too well. "Yes."

The senbon resumed twitching and a little of the familiar irreverence was back. "Yes? What the f… Why?"

Why? Five minutes to noon. Crap Kakashi, just tell him and get on your way.

"The truth is, at first I thought this week was going to be a regular blast, open season on teasing our 'hot little sensei'. But it didn't work out that way. If you must know, I really hope that I can have something with Iruka that's… good. For both of us."

Genma's expression became confused, which still looked out of place on him, if not anywhere near as unsettling.

"Genma-san, do you know the story of Pandora's box? Pandora opens the box and lets all the evils out into the world, and then hope comes out of the bottom of the box. Did you ever wonder what it was doing in there in the first place? Don't you realize that hope is the most devastating evil of all? Because without hope you'll never be disappointed."

Genma's confusion faded to understanding. "And once you have it, if you lose it you've lost everything."

"Exactly."

"Whoa, Kakashi. If being a genius makes you come up with crap like that, I've never been more thankful for my average IQ."

Despite his carefree grin there was a lingering hint of sadness in Genma's eyes. "Well good luck then, I think."

Kakashi watched him saunter away. You know as well as I do that you've never been average in anything, Genma-san.

If he hurried he could still make it on time.

Iruka looked at the clock… again. Eleven fifty-nine. He stared out of his window at the empty playground with its lonely tree and lonely swing. In little over half an hour it would be buzzing with children chowing down their lunches and burning off the morning's inactivity. But right now there was no one in sight, not even one lone thistle-head of a jounin. He turned around and came face to face with…

"Kakashi-sensei!"

Not three feet away.

Make that three _inches.  
_  
No, one inch.

"Sooo, Iruka-sensei. Shall we do it?"

The jounin jingled his bells.

Iruka would have taken a step back, if his feet hadn't been rooted to the floor.

"What?"

"You want to do it now?"

"In here?"

"In front of the children?"

There was a noise that sounded remarkably like a squee from the middle of the back row, where Hyuuga Hanabi was currently choking and gagging around the fist she'd shoved into her mouth. Somehow bloodshot eyes looked so much more… disturbing, when they were bloodshot _all_ over.

Iruka could feel the back of Kakashi's nails snaking a path down the small of his back, round the curve of his buttock.

He sucked in a breath to keep from squeaking like a little girl as they followed the seam of his pants up his inner thigh.

The bells were jammed between their bodies. Kakashi had one hand on his shoulder, the one facing the class, thankfully. The other hand, well he'd be much better off if he didn't think about where that was right now. But Kakashi certainly _seemed_ distracted, which made it the perfect opportunity.

With lightening speed he grabbed towards Kakashi's belt.

The tips of his fingers grazed cold metal, then long slender fingers were interwoven with his and Kakashi was squeezing his hand affectionately.

The bells were now in the jounin's other hand. He held them high and disappeared in a coil of smoke, feet first and bells last, giving them a little jingle just before they vanished.

Shit, what the hell?

Was that it?

Surely that couldn't count as a showdown. It had barely lasted more than a minute.

A silvery tinkle from the middle of the room informed him that it was far from over. The kids had heard it too. They sat in rigid silence, waiting for the other shoe to drop, or rather the other bell to ring.

And it did.

All faces turned towards Udon, Konohanaru's little sidekick. And the least likely kid to sir up trouble, ever. At least not on his own.

Iruka made an executive decision, he'd probable be fired if he was wrong, not to mention sued by the boys parents but… he pounced. To a roar of approval. Only to find himself crouched on the desk holding an armful of scrolls. As the noise died down Udon's muffled cries could be heard from where he'd been stuffed on the last shelf of the book case.

A three way substitution jutsu with delayed effect. Flashy.

Iruka glared around at the empty spaces in the room as he helped the little boy down. He polished the tears off his glasses for him as Udon wiped his eyes and nose on the back of his sleeve then scurried back to the relative safety of his seat.

There was another jingle.

This time it was from close to the ceiling, where Kakashi was now seated, cross legged, upside down.

Kids climbed up on the desks, on chairs on the desks, on other kids on chairs on the desks, in an attempt to reach him.

He vanished again.

Where was that sonofa…? Iruka spun around at the now familiar sound from behind him, only to grasp at air as Kakashi pulled back, just out of reach. Where he'd always been. Iruka poofed away and reappeared behind the Copy Nin.

But he'd been anticipated yet again.

His arms were wrapped, not around the Kakashi, but around a pert and pretty and unusually well developed future konoichi, with firm but full young breasts. One currently grasped securely in each of his sweating hands.

As he spluttered and apologized to Mai in utter mortification Iruka felt a prickle behind his eyes.

Ok, so he couldn't do it. He couldn't take Kakashi's bells. Hell the combined efforts or every ninja in Konoha couldn't take his bells. Which meant he'd never have Kakashi. And he'd almost deluded himself that he'd had a chance. Right, a sunbeam's chance in a blizzard in Snow Country.

But that didn't give the man the right to mock him, and it _most certainly_ didn't give him the right to disrupt his class.

"Kakashi-sensei, either show yourself and we'll take this outside for a proper fight, or just get out. This is a school, not a circus, and _we_ have work to do even if you don't."

Four Kakashi's appeared as if summoned, one in each corner of the room, and each jangling a tinkly little prize so temptingly. There was a roar of youthful voices and the already disorderly mob of students made a four-way split and surged towards them.

Then someone, from somewhere in the crowd, threw a kunai.

It shaved a few purple hairs from a little girl's head in passing, and with a poof and a dissipation of chakra, embedded itself in wall where a Kakashi clone had just been standing.

Iruka had had it.

He watched his student's severed hairs tumble to the ground, transformed into golden threads by light from the noonday sun as they fell through the still air.

And that was… most definitely… _it_.

"Everybody! Get back in your seats!"

No one saw him reach for them and no one saw him throw, but two kunai left the teacher's hand and in an instant dispatched the two remaining clones.

As his class scrambled to reclaim their seats Iruka advanced on the one Copy Nin still remaining.

He took a deep breath, every hair on his head bristling, every fibre in his body tensed tighter than a clockwork spring the instant before it breaks. His stance stiffened to that of a humanoid killing machine, his accusing finger as straight as the lasers that seemed to be shooting from his eyes.

"Hatake Kakashi! Never come into my classroom when I'm teaching and _never ever_ do _anything _that might endanger my students!"

Kakashi could feel cold brick pressing up against his spine as he ran out of corner to back into.

He gave the bells in his hand a tiny conciliatory shake.

'Ting-a-ling.'

There was a titter from somewhere in the melee of students, followed by deafening silence as Iruka's eyes darkened to depths of fury usually only mentioned in tales about monsters around campfires.

He straightened his other fingers and uncurled his palm. "And give… me… those goddam… bells!"

"NOW!!"

Uh oh. Teacher voice, to the Nth degree.

The silver-haired jounin gulped and dropped two little tinkly bells into Iruka's outstretched hand.

"…."

"….."

"….."

Iruka wasn't exactly sure quite _how_ the hell that had happened, but he as sure as hell knew he didn't care. He folded his fingers over his prize and grinned in triumph.

"…Gotcha."

Hidden beneath his mask, Kakshi felt his face split into a matching grin.

Oh yes he had indeed.

Umino Iruka, chuunin of Konoha, had got him… by the bells.

And deep inside he knew he wouldn't want it any other way.

000000000000000000000000

Well that's it folks. Thank you all kindly for reading all the way to the end,

See you next time, perhaps.


End file.
